zomg, Avis totally <3's meh

Yeah, so both last week and this, Avis hooked me up with a Mitsubishi Eclipse. No, it's not a Ferrari, but for a rental car it's pretty damned sweet!!

And the week before that, they hooked me up with a red Mustang convertible!! Man! Avis totally hearts me!! I don't what I did to deserve this... but whatever it is, I need to keep it up!! =P

Holy shitballs! 1000 calories per scone?!

I heard on NPR that Starbucks scones are like 1000 calories. Must be the 14 lbs of butter per square inch and the thick coat of 100% sugar frosting on top, but still, that's insanity. No wonder it took me hours to finish one. After my fast, I've been even slower eating them because I can taste all that fat so acutely and it's just overwhelming. But I guess now I shall have to add those scones to my DNE list. Ah well.

D'oh! So close.

Cheney was almost killed in a terror attack on a base in Afghanistan today. Well, ok, I don't think he was that close to being killed, but he was on the same base, which is probably the closest he's ever been. One would hope that this would get him thinking about the realities of his idiotic policies around terrorism, but I'm sure it'll just "strengthen his resolve" or some such.

Realistically, I wish no harm on anyone, even Emperor Palpatine (as I like to call Cheney). So from that perspective, I'm glad he's safe. And had he been killed, god knows what the Bush spin machine would have done with it... something evil and self-serving, I'm sure.

And... I want to send a shout-out to the CIA and FBI for putting me on their watch lists due to this post. Yohoodles!

Master Cleanse: Coming Off the Fast

OK, so this should be a quick post. To come off the fast, you need to ease yourself back into food. If you sat down at Outback to an Awesome Blossom and a Prime Rib immediately after fasting, you'd probably die... or wish you had. Instead, you have to ease yourself back in with raw fruits and veggies, and plain rice.

So on Saturday I bought a bunch of stuff: orange juice, vegetable broth, brown rice, a broccoli/carrot/pea mix intended for stir fry. First, I did another salt flush, which although I did get some slight results, there didn't seem to be a lot that still needed clearing out. Next time I'll do one more often, and see if I can get it to come out clear. =P

Actually, I should mention that on Friday night I tried a glass of this Lemon Ginger Echinacea lemonade I'd gotten from Trader Joe's. I thought it was close enough to the lemonade to not be a problem, and I was only half right. I'd had a slight dizzy spell, and I was worried about my blood sugar. I hadn't made any lemonade and didn't really want to since I didn't expect I'd drink it all by the time I was off the fast. Anyways, it didn't sit too well with me, as it kinda shot right through me, if you know what I mean. I don't know why it did that, but lesson learned that it wasn't a good thing to inject in there.

So, to come off the fast, I started with a glass of OJ. So far so good. I then had basically 32 oz of vegetable broth, at an astounding 240 calories total. Haha. That was good, too. So I had more OJ, and then ate the bag of broccoli/carrots/peas, even using a bit of this Annie's Sesame Ginger Vinagrette. It all went fine. So I finished the OJ, and by the end had probably had 1000 calories. And I was definitely full. I'm still kind of full this morning, but I'm going to make some rice using the other box of veggie broth I bought, and have some more OJ. Coming off the fast was just really easy for me... no problems yesterday or over night. I'm going to Brook's SuperBowl party today (GO BEARS!!!), so I might even eat some nasty food there. And tomorrow I'm in training, so I may be able to eat without worrying about how my body will react as early as tomorrow. That'd be pretty sweet. But I'll stay away from alcohol for the week, just to be safe.

Good times!!

Master Cleanse: Day 7

OK, so yesterday (Saturday) was my 7th and last day of the Cleanse. I wanted to shoot for 10 days, but I have training next week in Chicago, so I won't have the flexibility with my diet at the training facility needed to keep this up. And since I need a couple days to come off the fast, I had to start doing that yesterday afternoon, exactly one week after I started the fast.

I think psychologically I needed to end the damn thing, too. Thursday night I was dreaming about food. I mean, big, elaborate, long dreams. Banquets, dinners out, breakfast.... everything. I just like eating soooo much. Hahahahah. So it was time.

Interestingly, I think my appetite was just starting to finally wane. It's not that I was really hungry too often... I just missed eating. But as I was walking around Safeway yesterday getting the de-fasting stuff, most things didn't appeal to me. But at the same time, things like seeing something called "Stormwind Muenster" in-game in World of Warcraft would make my mouth water. Hence why I think it was all psychological. I'll definitely have to give this another go this fall, and shoot for the 10-day mark.

There really weren't any other interesting things going on the last couple days of the fast. My tongue was really coated, which is supposed to be my body clearing toxins, but which I was sure was just a bacterial mat from the syrup in my lemonade. However, I really was drinking very little lemonade the last couple days. In the beginning, I wanted to drink more than the max of 12 glasses, even though I'd made it with 2 tbls per cup. By the end, I was making it with 1 tbls per cup but drank like 4-6 cups a day, and I just didn't really want any more. Not that it disgusted me... I just wasn't interested in it. So I think I could have done just water the last few days. Weirdness. Oh, but the mat on my tongue couldn't have been from the lemonade on Saturday, since I really had none... so maybe it was "toxins", after all.

Well, we'll see how my diet changes going forward... if I'm much better about eating (not that I was horrible before; no fast food except the very occasional Taco Bell, no meat except for fish and sometimes chicken; lots of fruit; etc), then maybe the next cleanse will move more quickly.

Overall, it's been a good experience... especially in the way it tests your self-discipline. I never once cheated... so I guess I passed the test. =D It's also really made me appreciate food... though we'll see how long that lasts. Hahaha.

Master Cleanse: Salt Flush #1

This post is a little nasty... so if you're rabidly anti-scat you should definitely go elsewhere.

So one of the things you're supposed to do on the Master Cleanse is a daily salt flush. Since you're not taking in new food, it's the perfect time to clear out the digestive tract of any crap and/or build-up that's trapped in there. So they say to drink a laxative tea at night, and then do a salt flush in the morning. However, after reading this woman's blog from 2001: http://yestheyrefake.net/lemonade_diet_cleanse_journal.htm, I really didn't want to do the Senna tea (laxative). I was reluctant to try the salt flush, too, until I read more about it here: http://www.cleansingorsurgery.com/saltwaterflush.htm.

Basically, the salt flush is where you just chug a quart of salt water. Because the salt water has the same salinity as internal fluids, the water doesn't get absorbed in the digestive tract, and the salt doesn't get absorbed by the kidneys. Crazy, eh! So instead, it just moves straight through you, and comes out your ass like, uhh, water. But along the way, it grabs all kinds of things caked to the sides of your innards, so that you're basically hosing down the inside of your body.

So I tried it last night. I drank 32oz of salt water, with a little lemon for taste. I couldn't bring myself to chug it... it was just too nasty. Then I laid on my right side for about 40 mins, to drain it out of my stomach (apparently the exit from the stomach is on the right side, not out the bottom like a sink drain). About 45 mins after that (1.5 hrs after I started drinking), I had to "fart". Hehehe. They warn that although it feels like a fart, it's not... it's the flush. So I sat down, and did my business.

It was basically just like having diarrhea. [Awesome, I know!] I won't give you any more detail than that. But I did have to go maybe 4 times before it was all ejected. It was slightly orange, fyi, which I'm guessing is due to the cayenne in the lemonade I'm drinking.

Anyways, I plan to do a couple more salt flushes in the next few days. They say to do them in the morning, but no way I'm getting up at 5am to do that nastiness. I'll do it at night when I'm up anyways.

It's interesting that I have stuff still in me that needs flushing out. But from what I've read a sort of colon plaque develops over time, that's basically just caked-on crap that doesn't get ejected under normal bodily procedures. That's why people swear by enemas... cause all this nastiness is up inside you, clogging the walls of your colon. Since the colon has very aborptive walls, you end up with a lot of shit (literally) in your bloodstream that shouldn't be there. Many many people claim that by cleaning their colons, they've successfully combatted acne, arthritis, and 1000 other ailments.

All I'm hoping for from the colon cleanse is a little more regularity, maybe some acne clearing (mine's not bad at all, but I feel like at age 30, I should never have zits ever), and perhaps a life like Moshe's, where I can wipe my ass every time with a single square of toilet paper. Hahahaha.

Good times!

Master Cleanse: Day 4

So... Weds night was officially my 4th full day of the Master Cleanse. I still feel just fine, though there are a few things worthy of note. First, I shat on Tues night, and again last night. Where's it coming from?! I haven't eaten since Sat! Last night was just a little amount, but Tuesday's was a healthy size. I guess that was all just backed up in the ol' colon... so it's likely a good sign that it's been jettisoned.

I'm still kinda hungry here and there... supposedly that goes away around day 3, but it hasn't yet. It's not an overpowering hunger, but if I wasn't fasting I'd want to go grab something to eat, like lunch. I kind of wonder if it's not just psychological though. The pangs were strongest when people were eating near me, like on Tues when I was with Kelly and Jake at a bar watching the Illini trounce (albeit crappily) Michigan State. And at lunch yesterday, and every time I see Emil and Vishal eating Taco Bell here at work. When I'm not around food I don't really think about it. So I think it might just be a habitual trigger or somesuch.

It's also really weird to me that everyone's going to grab food. Food is such a dominating influence in our lives (understandably so), and people really structure their time and expenditures around it. But I do have more free time and more money since I'm not eating... which is pretty sweet.

One other thing I've noticed the last day or 2 is how cold I've been. I've just felt cold all day... and my right hand specifically has been cold to the touch. I'm guessing the room I work in at the client site is a little on the chilly side, but still I'm colder than I should be. I'm guessing my body is trying to conserve energy by slowing itself down, which is slightly counterproductive to the whole point of the fast. This might be why they actually advocate exercise while fasting... exercise should help keep the core temperature up. I should probly sneak off from my desk and do some jumping jacks in an empty conference room or something. =P

I think I look a little leaner, but I'm not sure I'm not just imagining that. I'll ask Kelly tonight what she thinks. Though I surely must have burned a couple pounds of fat so far... otherwise I'd be dead, right? =P