Master Cleanse: Salt Flush #1

This post is a little nasty... so if you're rabidly anti-scat you should definitely go elsewhere.

So one of the things you're supposed to do on the Master Cleanse is a daily salt flush. Since you're not taking in new food, it's the perfect time to clear out the digestive tract of any crap and/or build-up that's trapped in there. So they say to drink a laxative tea at night, and then do a salt flush in the morning. However, after reading this woman's blog from 2001: http://yestheyrefake.net/lemonade_diet_cleanse_journal.htm, I really didn't want to do the Senna tea (laxative). I was reluctant to try the salt flush, too, until I read more about it here: http://www.cleansingorsurgery.com/saltwaterflush.htm.

Basically, the salt flush is where you just chug a quart of salt water. Because the salt water has the same salinity as internal fluids, the water doesn't get absorbed in the digestive tract, and the salt doesn't get absorbed by the kidneys. Crazy, eh! So instead, it just moves straight through you, and comes out your ass like, uhh, water. But along the way, it grabs all kinds of things caked to the sides of your innards, so that you're basically hosing down the inside of your body.

So I tried it last night. I drank 32oz of salt water, with a little lemon for taste. I couldn't bring myself to chug it... it was just too nasty. Then I laid on my right side for about 40 mins, to drain it out of my stomach (apparently the exit from the stomach is on the right side, not out the bottom like a sink drain). About 45 mins after that (1.5 hrs after I started drinking), I had to "fart". Hehehe. They warn that although it feels like a fart, it's not... it's the flush. So I sat down, and did my business.

It was basically just like having diarrhea. [Awesome, I know!] I won't give you any more detail than that. But I did have to go maybe 4 times before it was all ejected. It was slightly orange, fyi, which I'm guessing is due to the cayenne in the lemonade I'm drinking.

Anyways, I plan to do a couple more salt flushes in the next few days. They say to do them in the morning, but no way I'm getting up at 5am to do that nastiness. I'll do it at night when I'm up anyways.

It's interesting that I have stuff still in me that needs flushing out. But from what I've read a sort of colon plaque develops over time, that's basically just caked-on crap that doesn't get ejected under normal bodily procedures. That's why people swear by enemas... cause all this nastiness is up inside you, clogging the walls of your colon. Since the colon has very aborptive walls, you end up with a lot of shit (literally) in your bloodstream that shouldn't be there. Many many people claim that by cleaning their colons, they've successfully combatted acne, arthritis, and 1000 other ailments.

All I'm hoping for from the colon cleanse is a little more regularity, maybe some acne clearing (mine's not bad at all, but I feel like at age 30, I should never have zits ever), and perhaps a life like Moshe's, where I can wipe my ass every time with a single square of toilet paper. Hahahaha.

Good times!