zomg, Avis totally <3's meh

Yeah, so both last week and this, Avis hooked me up with a Mitsubishi Eclipse. No, it's not a Ferrari, but for a rental car it's pretty damned sweet!!

And the week before that, they hooked me up with a red Mustang convertible!! Man! Avis totally hearts me!! I don't what I did to deserve this... but whatever it is, I need to keep it up!! =P

Holy shitballs! 1000 calories per scone?!

I heard on NPR that Starbucks scones are like 1000 calories. Must be the 14 lbs of butter per square inch and the thick coat of 100% sugar frosting on top, but still, that's insanity. No wonder it took me hours to finish one. After my fast, I've been even slower eating them because I can taste all that fat so acutely and it's just overwhelming. But I guess now I shall have to add those scones to my DNE list. Ah well.

D'oh! So close.

Cheney was almost killed in a terror attack on a base in Afghanistan today. Well, ok, I don't think he was that close to being killed, but he was on the same base, which is probably the closest he's ever been. One would hope that this would get him thinking about the realities of his idiotic policies around terrorism, but I'm sure it'll just "strengthen his resolve" or some such.

Realistically, I wish no harm on anyone, even Emperor Palpatine (as I like to call Cheney). So from that perspective, I'm glad he's safe. And had he been killed, god knows what the Bush spin machine would have done with it... something evil and self-serving, I'm sure.

And... I want to send a shout-out to the CIA and FBI for putting me on their watch lists due to this post. Yohoodles!

Master Cleanse: Coming Off the Fast

OK, so this should be a quick post. To come off the fast, you need to ease yourself back into food. If you sat down at Outback to an Awesome Blossom and a Prime Rib immediately after fasting, you'd probably die... or wish you had. Instead, you have to ease yourself back in with raw fruits and veggies, and plain rice.

So on Saturday I bought a bunch of stuff: orange juice, vegetable broth, brown rice, a broccoli/carrot/pea mix intended for stir fry. First, I did another salt flush, which although I did get some slight results, there didn't seem to be a lot that still needed clearing out. Next time I'll do one more often, and see if I can get it to come out clear. =P

Actually, I should mention that on Friday night I tried a glass of this Lemon Ginger Echinacea lemonade I'd gotten from Trader Joe's. I thought it was close enough to the lemonade to not be a problem, and I was only half right. I'd had a slight dizzy spell, and I was worried about my blood sugar. I hadn't made any lemonade and didn't really want to since I didn't expect I'd drink it all by the time I was off the fast. Anyways, it didn't sit too well with me, as it kinda shot right through me, if you know what I mean. I don't know why it did that, but lesson learned that it wasn't a good thing to inject in there.

So, to come off the fast, I started with a glass of OJ. So far so good. I then had basically 32 oz of vegetable broth, at an astounding 240 calories total. Haha. That was good, too. So I had more OJ, and then ate the bag of broccoli/carrots/peas, even using a bit of this Annie's Sesame Ginger Vinagrette. It all went fine. So I finished the OJ, and by the end had probably had 1000 calories. And I was definitely full. I'm still kind of full this morning, but I'm going to make some rice using the other box of veggie broth I bought, and have some more OJ. Coming off the fast was just really easy for me... no problems yesterday or over night. I'm going to Brook's SuperBowl party today (GO BEARS!!!), so I might even eat some nasty food there. And tomorrow I'm in training, so I may be able to eat without worrying about how my body will react as early as tomorrow. That'd be pretty sweet. But I'll stay away from alcohol for the week, just to be safe.

Good times!!

Master Cleanse: Day 7

OK, so yesterday (Saturday) was my 7th and last day of the Cleanse. I wanted to shoot for 10 days, but I have training next week in Chicago, so I won't have the flexibility with my diet at the training facility needed to keep this up. And since I need a couple days to come off the fast, I had to start doing that yesterday afternoon, exactly one week after I started the fast.

I think psychologically I needed to end the damn thing, too. Thursday night I was dreaming about food. I mean, big, elaborate, long dreams. Banquets, dinners out, breakfast.... everything. I just like eating soooo much. Hahahahah. So it was time.

Interestingly, I think my appetite was just starting to finally wane. It's not that I was really hungry too often... I just missed eating. But as I was walking around Safeway yesterday getting the de-fasting stuff, most things didn't appeal to me. But at the same time, things like seeing something called "Stormwind Muenster" in-game in World of Warcraft would make my mouth water. Hence why I think it was all psychological. I'll definitely have to give this another go this fall, and shoot for the 10-day mark.

There really weren't any other interesting things going on the last couple days of the fast. My tongue was really coated, which is supposed to be my body clearing toxins, but which I was sure was just a bacterial mat from the syrup in my lemonade. However, I really was drinking very little lemonade the last couple days. In the beginning, I wanted to drink more than the max of 12 glasses, even though I'd made it with 2 tbls per cup. By the end, I was making it with 1 tbls per cup but drank like 4-6 cups a day, and I just didn't really want any more. Not that it disgusted me... I just wasn't interested in it. So I think I could have done just water the last few days. Weirdness. Oh, but the mat on my tongue couldn't have been from the lemonade on Saturday, since I really had none... so maybe it was "toxins", after all.

Well, we'll see how my diet changes going forward... if I'm much better about eating (not that I was horrible before; no fast food except the very occasional Taco Bell, no meat except for fish and sometimes chicken; lots of fruit; etc), then maybe the next cleanse will move more quickly.

Overall, it's been a good experience... especially in the way it tests your self-discipline. I never once cheated... so I guess I passed the test. =D It's also really made me appreciate food... though we'll see how long that lasts. Hahaha.

Master Cleanse: Salt Flush #1

This post is a little nasty... so if you're rabidly anti-scat you should definitely go elsewhere.

So one of the things you're supposed to do on the Master Cleanse is a daily salt flush. Since you're not taking in new food, it's the perfect time to clear out the digestive tract of any crap and/or build-up that's trapped in there. So they say to drink a laxative tea at night, and then do a salt flush in the morning. However, after reading this woman's blog from 2001: http://yestheyrefake.net/lemonade_diet_cleanse_journal.htm, I really didn't want to do the Senna tea (laxative). I was reluctant to try the salt flush, too, until I read more about it here: http://www.cleansingorsurgery.com/saltwaterflush.htm.

Basically, the salt flush is where you just chug a quart of salt water. Because the salt water has the same salinity as internal fluids, the water doesn't get absorbed in the digestive tract, and the salt doesn't get absorbed by the kidneys. Crazy, eh! So instead, it just moves straight through you, and comes out your ass like, uhh, water. But along the way, it grabs all kinds of things caked to the sides of your innards, so that you're basically hosing down the inside of your body.

So I tried it last night. I drank 32oz of salt water, with a little lemon for taste. I couldn't bring myself to chug it... it was just too nasty. Then I laid on my right side for about 40 mins, to drain it out of my stomach (apparently the exit from the stomach is on the right side, not out the bottom like a sink drain). About 45 mins after that (1.5 hrs after I started drinking), I had to "fart". Hehehe. They warn that although it feels like a fart, it's not... it's the flush. So I sat down, and did my business.

It was basically just like having diarrhea. [Awesome, I know!] I won't give you any more detail than that. But I did have to go maybe 4 times before it was all ejected. It was slightly orange, fyi, which I'm guessing is due to the cayenne in the lemonade I'm drinking.

Anyways, I plan to do a couple more salt flushes in the next few days. They say to do them in the morning, but no way I'm getting up at 5am to do that nastiness. I'll do it at night when I'm up anyways.

It's interesting that I have stuff still in me that needs flushing out. But from what I've read a sort of colon plaque develops over time, that's basically just caked-on crap that doesn't get ejected under normal bodily procedures. That's why people swear by enemas... cause all this nastiness is up inside you, clogging the walls of your colon. Since the colon has very aborptive walls, you end up with a lot of shit (literally) in your bloodstream that shouldn't be there. Many many people claim that by cleaning their colons, they've successfully combatted acne, arthritis, and 1000 other ailments.

All I'm hoping for from the colon cleanse is a little more regularity, maybe some acne clearing (mine's not bad at all, but I feel like at age 30, I should never have zits ever), and perhaps a life like Moshe's, where I can wipe my ass every time with a single square of toilet paper. Hahahaha.

Good times!

Master Cleanse: Day 4

So... Weds night was officially my 4th full day of the Master Cleanse. I still feel just fine, though there are a few things worthy of note. First, I shat on Tues night, and again last night. Where's it coming from?! I haven't eaten since Sat! Last night was just a little amount, but Tuesday's was a healthy size. I guess that was all just backed up in the ol' colon... so it's likely a good sign that it's been jettisoned.

I'm still kinda hungry here and there... supposedly that goes away around day 3, but it hasn't yet. It's not an overpowering hunger, but if I wasn't fasting I'd want to go grab something to eat, like lunch. I kind of wonder if it's not just psychological though. The pangs were strongest when people were eating near me, like on Tues when I was with Kelly and Jake at a bar watching the Illini trounce (albeit crappily) Michigan State. And at lunch yesterday, and every time I see Emil and Vishal eating Taco Bell here at work. When I'm not around food I don't really think about it. So I think it might just be a habitual trigger or somesuch.

It's also really weird to me that everyone's going to grab food. Food is such a dominating influence in our lives (understandably so), and people really structure their time and expenditures around it. But I do have more free time and more money since I'm not eating... which is pretty sweet.

One other thing I've noticed the last day or 2 is how cold I've been. I've just felt cold all day... and my right hand specifically has been cold to the touch. I'm guessing the room I work in at the client site is a little on the chilly side, but still I'm colder than I should be. I'm guessing my body is trying to conserve energy by slowing itself down, which is slightly counterproductive to the whole point of the fast. This might be why they actually advocate exercise while fasting... exercise should help keep the core temperature up. I should probly sneak off from my desk and do some jumping jacks in an empty conference room or something. =P

I think I look a little leaner, but I'm not sure I'm not just imagining that. I'll ask Kelly tonight what she thinks. Though I surely must have burned a couple pounds of fat so far... otherwise I'd be dead, right? =P

Plague update

I totally forgot to update y'all on my plague. So the good news is it seems to have passed. Thank god. After roughly 35 days, I seem to be plague-free. Hilariously, I got everyone everywhere sick... including all the client and Accenture people at the client site in San Diego. In fact, everyone moved out of the room I was sitting in and left me there alone, and called it the Quarantine Zone. But it wasn't enough to save any of them... they were all infected! Muah hahahahhahahaha!!!

Here's hoping the Master Cleanse helps drive the nail into the coffin of the plague... rather than emboldening it, like talk of troop withdrawal from Iraq emboldens Iranian agents to kill Americans! =P

Fasting: Master Cleanse, the recipe!

I forgot to post the recipe for the spicy lemonade before....

8 oz water
2 Tbsp lemon juice (fresh squeezed!)
1-2 Tbsp Grade B (or better?) maple syrup; the more syrup the less weight loss
1/10 tspn cayenne pepper, or to taste (I use more)

That's it! Easy as pie! If nothing else, it's a phenomenal lemonade. I might try mixing in some blueberry and mint some time in the future when I'm not fasting... I think that would be uber.

Fasting: Master Cleanse, Day 3

So it's Monday night (technically Tuesday morning), and I'm still alive and kicking. I've had a coated tongue all night... I mean it's so coated it's like my tongue is wearing a sweater. I've also been farting here and there... but other than that, no crazy expulsions or whatnot. Which is fine by me, though I wonder if I shouldn't have had those start yet.

I've had plenty of energy and mental acuity today, despite having had little sleep, having flown to San Diego, and having worked all day and evening. For most of the day I felt a little like I had tunnel vision or something, as if I had no peripheral vision. But I think that's more a sleep issue than anything.

Oh, I had to use lime juice instead of lemon juice, because the Ralph's in downtown San Diego only had lemon juice that was ridden with preservatives, and I couldn't actually squeeze lemons in my rental car on the way to the office. Measuring out the syrup and juice in the Ralph's parking garage into a gallon jug of spring water was weird enough on its own. But I bought several bags of lemons to squeeze myself tomorrow morning.

Oh, I'm also using Grade A dark amber maple syrup, because one of the things I read said to use "Grade B or better", and I'm assuming A>B because it costs more at the store. =P

Anyways.... so far so good. I've been experiencing crazy food cravings all day.... nachos was the most burning one. A big plate of nachos with sour cream and guac and cheese and salsa and olives.... mmmmmmmmmmmm. But I haven't actually been hungry, which is pretty crazy. Allegedly I'll lose all hunger desire by end of day tomorrow. I can't even imagine what that's like to not want to eat, oh, say, chocolate. Or Taco Bell!!

Fasting: Master Cleanse

So yeah, you heard me right, I'm fasting. I'm doing what's called the "Master Cleanse," and I'm going to keep it up for ~10 days. Basically, I've stopped eating, and the only two things I consume are: water, and spicy lemonade. I drink about 10 cups of the lemonade a day, which consists of water, fresh-squeezed lemons, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper. The syrup helps keep blood sugar up so I don't lose energy, and it's the primary source of calories (roughly 1000/day). The cayenne pepper stimulates metabolism. And the lemon juice helps with peristalsis, particularly in the colon.

The idea with the fast is that by limiting caloric intake you trigger the body to enter a super-healing mode. The body does not actually cannibalize healthy tissue until somewhere in day 10-40 of the fast; during a fast, in order to get its needed proteins, fats, etc, the body consumes waste already in the body. So that includes dead and dying cells, fat cells (woohoo!), and various other miscellaneous "toxins", as the crazies like to call them. The body also works to expel all toxins from the body. During the fast most people gain a bit of energy, and tend to feel fantastic. Some people experience symptoms of cold or flu, which are temporary. Almost everyone experiences coated tongues and heinous feces, but by the end of the fast all "toxins" are purged, tongues are uncoated, and feces is basically just mucous. [Ew!] Overall the body slims down, heals itself, and purges itself of waste and toxins.

So why on god's green earth would I do this, you ask? Good question. I'm not entirely sure I've got it figured out myself, although it feels like the right thing to do. Hehehe. No, there's more to it than that. I've actually known a number of people through the years who swear by it, my friend Tiffany included. But the impetus for me doing it now was a lunch conversation I had on Friday with Dana and Peter at work. We talked about all sorts of work-inappropriate things, but colon health was one of them, and the Master Cleanse came up. When I mentioned it during Book Club the next day at Tiffany's, she pulled out several big-ass books about cleansing bodily symptoms, including one with colon pics. That one sold me. I mean, I love my colon, and that picture of a sagging and ill colon scared me straight (so to speak).

So what am I trying to get out of this?

1. Clean and healthy colon. It's not called the Master Cleanse for nothing.
2. Test of my self-discipline. I love food, for god's sake!!!!!
3. Resetting of my cravings and tastes. Tho this is more out of intellectual curiosity.
4. Kick-start on weight loss (I need to drop maybe 20 lbs total to be my ideal leanness). I expect this'll drop 5-10 of those lbs. Though everyone says not to do it for the weight loss component!

What freakish side-effects am I expecting?

1. Weird toxin expulsions in my mouth (coated tongue, bad breath).
2. Acne flare-up, though this was already in progress (woohoo for being 30 with zits!).
3. Horrid monstrosities in the toilet. [The sign of a cleansed colon!]
4. Lots and lots and lots of peeing.

I started on Saturday afternoon at Tiffany's, at about 4pm. I made my first pitcher of lemonade around 6pm same day, and haven't looked back since (it's midnight Monday). I'll do an update in the next post.

I suck

OK... so I totally suck at updating this thing. So much has happened since last I posted... the State of the Union (laughable), I've read some books, an incredibly important relationship in my life has crumbled, and... I'm fasting!

First 100 Hours of the 110th Congress

Below is a letter to me from Rep. Anna Eshoo, the US Rep for the 14th Congressional District, which covers Sunnyvale and the surrounding area. [Yes, I've moved, but I like her so I stayed on her list! =P] It explains what the 110th Congress has pledged to do in the first 100 hours (before the State of the Union), as outlined by Reid and Pelosi. Pretty ambitious, but pretty damned awesome, too.

=====================================================


Dear Graeme,

Yesterday, January 4th was the first day of the historic 110th Congress. I recited the official oath affirming to support and defend the Constitution and to faithfully discharge the duties of representing the people of California’s 14th Congressional District. What an honor it is to serve you.

The opening of the 110th Congress carries great significance with the election of Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House. She is the first woman in the history of our nation to lead the House and the first Californian to serve as Speaker.

Under Speaker Pelosi, the work of the new Congress will begin right away. In the first 100 legislative hours of the session, the House will pass legislation to:

· Ban Gifts and Travel from Lobbyists
· Mandate Ethics Training for Members of Congress and Staff
· Allow Adequate Time to Review Legislation
· Ban "Dead of the Night" Special Interest Provisions
· Curb Voting Time Abuses
· Enact Earmark Reform
· Reinstate Fiscal Responsibility
· Implement the 9/11 Commission's Recommendations
· Raise the Minimum Wage
· Allow Stem Cell Research
· Require Medicare to Negotiate Lower Drug Prices
· Cut Interest Rates on Student Loans in Half
· Repeal Subsidies for Big Oil and Invest in Renewable Energy

You can read about the details of each legislative item as well as follow their progress on my Web site. After the first 100 legislative hours, the House will move ahead on additional issues important to the American people.

As always, should you have any questions or comments, let me hear from you.

Sincerely,
Anna Eshoo
Member of Congress

Hunk'd!

omg, this is awesome: http://www.hunkd.com/. It's google but with a hot guy! hahahahaha. How innovative! Lemme see if I can find one with a chica.

I have the plague

OK, so I don't have the real-deal, killed-a-third-of-Europe plague. But I've been sick for a week now, and it barely seems to be abating. I've forgotten what it's like to live a normal, de-congested life. You norms out there have it so easy, with your dairy and your kleenex-free lifestyles.

Of course, I may have aggravated the illness a bit over the weekend... Lessee.

1. Friday night my good friend Drew (college roommate) got married, so I was out pretty late that night. Sure, most of the evening was spent in discussion with my friend-dating-back-to-6th-grade Justin and his wife Sarah, but there was definitely a parade of boozes involved. Mmmmm, booze.
   
2. Then I flew back to SF from Chi on an 8am flight... that was brutal. I didn't sleep at all on Friday night, due to the wedding followed by the packing followed by an acute fear I'd sleep through my flight. So my mom drives me to the airport early, with plenty of time to check in my bags... but a bus literally unloaded people right in front of me, swelling the check-in lines just long enough to keep me from reaching the kiosk until 7:16, one min after the 45 min baggage cut-off. So I end up on a 10am stand-by, sleeping on a bench for the hour or so in-between. I also got in a very slow-motion argument with a jerk-ass United gate attendant about whether I should take the shitty seat they gave me or roll the dice on a later flight. I ended up taking it, and the seat wasn't the back-row middle he claimed but was an aisle seat a good 20 rows from the back of the plane. He was such a bastard to me, too... couldn't he tell how exhausted I was from how slowly my words were forming? I hope his pension gets lost in arbitration. =P But anyways, I slept well on the plane, because I was determined to rest up in preparation for that night...


3. ... which was, of course, New Year's Eve Eve. As this was our 2nd Annual NYEE, us Cali kids had plans to go out that night, be they malformed or not. We ended up going to Slide, which is underneath Ruby Skye. Jamie Foxx was there... we totally hung out. He's a good guy. Roger danced a lot. Kaylynn partied hearty. I bought champaign for 15 people to ring in the fake new year (we actually counted down at midnight, in the middle of a packed club). Leah macked on what looked to be a boy scout, then threw up most heartily. The Spaniards, who'd arrived earlier that evening, developed an acute case of vaginitis and stayed in, despite my promises to the boob-focused doorman that they'd be showing up later. We were out till 3 or 3:30, then stayed up talking till 5am, before 45 people passed out in varying piles around my apartment.


4. Sunday was designed to be low-key, but by then the Spaniards had conquered their terrible wasting disease, and were ready to hit the clubs. If you'll recall, I was still sick at this point, so I figured I should stay in. Of course, Emilie and the Spaniards would have none of that. They administered 100 cc's of booze and my vaginitis cleared right up. Sadly, Kelly and Leah were beyond saving, as were Tiffany and Stefan. But Brook, Joe, Roger, Emilie, the Spaniards and I were all raring to go... We rang in the new year at my apt, then we all went out to 1015 at 1am. Still a $40 cover at that point. But we danced for a few hours before wandering over to Mel's at the Metreon for a late night feast. At that point, it literally felt like someone was raking daggers down my throat every time I swallowed, but I think it was all worth it.

So here I am, ~4 days later, and I'm still sick. I'm pretty sure I deserve it, which is why I felt so guilty about staying home on Tuesday. But now I'm back down in San Diego, it's 1am, and I'm not asleep. Think I'll be getting over it any time soon? Haha.