If You're a Republican...

This doesn't apply to Big A's brand of smart Republicanism. It's more a send-up of the idiot GOP that evolved in the 70s/80s and has recently begun to (FINALLY) flare out. But it's a great call-out of how hypocritical and/or inconsistent the party platform has become. Not that the Dems are perfect, of course.

IF YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN YOU NEED
TO BELIEVE:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary
Clinton.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy
when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with
him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden"
diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because
the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam
is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out
of the United Nations, and our highest national
priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iran.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own
body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all
mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the
troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't
have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime
allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all
Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is
socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public
at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which
thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in
the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet.

13. The public has a right to know
about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving
record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral
failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

15. Supporting "Executive
Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might
be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in
the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is
irrelevant.

17. Support for hunters who shoot
their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by
the quail.

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Wheel of Time to continue

A few months ago I posted that one my my favorite authors, Robert Jordan, had passed away. He died of a rare blood disease called amyloidosis. He was in the process of writing the 12th and final book in his Wheel of Time series, called A Memory of Light.

Well, I just read on dragonmount.com that his wife and editor, Harriet Popham Rigney, has chosen an author to complete RJ's book. Brandon Sanderson is the man. I haven't read any of his novels, but I suppose now I should. RJ had completed his story arc long ago, but the actual execution of the outline was incomplete. So I expect that although the writing style may slightly differ, the content will remain true to RJ's vision.

I'm really glad that Harriet is keeping her hand in the final book... the bummer is that it won't be released until Fall 2009. But that should be plenty of time for Harriet and Brandon to align the book to RJ's vision and standards!

Yay!

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RIP Mme. Irey

I was incredibly saddened to learn that my high school French teacher, Mme Irey, passed away in September of this year from a form of brain cancer. In the last decade I've spent a fair amount of time in Europe, and every trip to France I've been able to showcase my relative fluency in French, thanks to the incredible teaching skills of Mme Irey. I'd been intending to track her down and re-connect, and only recently found out that she'd passed away. I had never thought that time would be a factor... she went to high school with my mom in Wheaton, so I assumed she had decades left. I think the lesson here is that you shouldn't wait to reconnect with people who mean a lot to you... do it now.

As odd as it seems, I was able to find a lot of information on Mme using Facebook. I've actually been reconnecting with all sorts of people on there, people I first met nearly 20 years ago. It's been pretty incredible. But there's a Facebook group praying for Mme's health... check it out and pay your respects, if you knew her.

The following is the post I put on that page... I guess it's a sort of farewell/tribute to Mme. It's nothing special... but she meant a lot to me so I want to share this on here, as well.

============================================

Oh Madame... for years I'd been planning to track you down and tell you
all the great stories of my travels in France, and how even after all
these years I was able to speak fluently, thanks to 3 years with you. I
thought of you every time I did it... whether I was arguing with a
conductor on a train in Lyon, or chatting it up with a random hotel
owner in Marseilles. I'm so so so sorry that you've left us... we'll
all miss you terribly.

Je suis sur que vous etes dans une
meilleure place, madame. Il faut que tout de nous y allions,
eventuellement. [mon dieu! le subjonctif!!]

I'd play one more
game of Taxi, Taxi in your honor... if only I could remember the rules.
=P I always looked forward to French... We had so much fun coming up
with totally random names... with our trip to France (il faut penser au
group!!!!)... with Robert et Mireille... so many awesome memories.

A bien tot, madame... vous nous manquez pour toujours.
L'ombre de la Dreche Invisible ('94)

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International Human Rights Day!

Well, it turns out today is the 57th annual International Human Rights Day! So if you were planning to oppress anyone today (Big A!), please don't. In case you're wondering what this actually means, well, wikipedia it you lazy bastard. That's what I did. But to spare you the effort, I'll summarize for you. It's a High Holy Day for the UN, "normally marked by both high-level political conferences and meetings
and by cultural events and exhibitions dealing with human rights issues." So this is a good day for you to have that high-level diplomatic junket you've been planning, although if you didn't send out your invites well ahead of time you're not likely to be able to grab any major world leader's time. Still, it's probly worth checking their Outlook calendars just in case.

Also, consider giving some scratch to your local international Human Rights organization. Amnesty International is a great one, as are my US favorites of the ACLU and HRC.

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Cosco Busan Spill Litigation Proceeding

So you may remember from a month or so ago the oil spill that happened in the SF Bay. A ship carrying a really nasty blend of oil derivatives rammed the Bay Bridge and spilled some 58,000 gallons of oil in the Bay. Clean-up is still proceeding, though the bulk of it has been completed.

The good news is that litigation is proceeding against the ship's owner, its insurance company, and the pilot who guided the ship into the bridge support pillar. And from the article I just read in the San Jose Mercury News, it looks like the US Dept of Justice will be suing for a significant level of damages, to cover not just the cost of clean-up, but the total cost of restoration of both habitats and recreational space.

You can read the SJMN article here. And you can read more general news about the spill here and here. And lastly, you can see a cool google map of the affected areas here.

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Random Fun Facts

1. "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
2. And "lollipop" is the longest word typed with your right hand.
3. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
4. "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
5. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
6. The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
7. There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
8. There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
9. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
10. A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
11. A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
12. A snail can sleep for three years.
13. Almonds are a member of the peach family.
14. Babies are born without kneecaps.
15. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
16. February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
17. In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
18. If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
19. Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
20. The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
21. The cruise liner, QE 2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
22. There are more chickens than people in the world.
23. Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
24. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

The Whore of Mensa

So apparently Woody Allen has written short stories (maybe that's no secret, but I sure didn't know). I just found this one online called "The Whore of Mensa". It's hilarious. About 5 mins or so to read, and totally worth it.

http://waitalia.tripod.com/short-uk.html

God, I remember contemplating selling myself like that back in college... but who didn't, really.

She's the Prettiest... the Most Smartest...

OK. There is seriously a show called "America's Most Smartest Model". I thought this was a total joke, but it actually exists. I am so freaking excited to watch this I may crap my pants. I've been giggling about this all day long... I'm just bursting here with antici..........pation!!!

The show is apparently exactly what you're imagining it is: a trivia show for hot models, with Survivor-style weekly eliminations. This week? The models' knowledge of anatomy is tested!! Questions will likely include: "What's the muscle group on the chest that you're so good at bouncing, Antonio?" Or maybe, "Which female glands were mutilated when you had your implant surgery, Bambi?"

Check it out... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/America.

Crazy Whirlwind Week

Wow. This week's been nuts. Starting with last Friday, when I got dumped by the guy I'd been seeing for the last ~2 months. That was out of the blue, and I haven't had time to corner him and extract an explanation. We seemed to be getting along well (though it wasn't super passionate), and I guess I wasn't expecting a marriage out of it but I was thinking it would last a little longer... I actually expected it to end up as my longest-running relationship (current winner for that title is tied between everybody-loved-Colin and Fall2001-Chris... oh, maybe hot-steady-Jesse from back in Chicago... I'd need to think about it).

So that dumpage tainted my Friday and weekend (did I mention it was over e-mail?). And then this week just exploded. We've been trying desperately to find a location for this green building technology pilot I'm running... our first several efforts failed due to the cost of integration with the building automation systems of the facilities we were looking at. So Monday rolled around, and we had a promising location in our Atlanta office, so by EOD Monday we decided I needed to fly out to ATL ASAP. Except that Thursday, I was supposed to be in NYC to speak at a CIO roundtable about Sustainability and Green Tech, and Friday I needed to be in SF to do new-hire interviews all day with UCB kids. A lot to do in one week... my bossess wanted me to blow off NYC and the interviews, and I wanted to blow off the interviews... so while I desperately searched for a stand-in to do my interviews, I made a deal with my bosses that if I got the pilot running they'd be cool with me doing the NYC thing and the SF interviews.

So what ended up happening is I flew on a red-eye on Tues night out to ATL, with a one-way ticket I bought 4 hrs before the flight. I left an hour after that aforementioned earthquake. I connected through Chicago at 5am, getting me to ATL at about 10am. I went straight to the office, deciding that I would skip dressing in biz cazh and just go full-out casual. I was in flip-flops, my tan adventure pants from REI, a grey t-shirt, and a fleece sleeveless vest (also from REI). I was super-comfy, and figured if anyone asked I'd just say it was my Halloween costume, and I was going as a French photojournalist whose camera had been stolen by a rebel African army commander.

So anyways. I worked all day Weds, and got the pilot going. It actually was a huge deal that we got it worked out (thanks to Patrick and Andy from the ATL building mgmt team!), and because it was working by EOD Weds it meant I could fly to NYC to speak at the CIO roundtable. So I got online, bought my ticket to NYC, and then jumped in the car and drove to the airport (incidentally, I got totally lost en route and spent a good hour driving through Atlanta's ghetto areas... I'm not exaggerating on that point at all. I also almost got hit by a train... I was sitting half on the tracks and this train rounds the bend a half mile out and is just gunning towards us, and I'm like FUCK what do I do... but the nice lady behind me backs up and I'm able to back off the tracks... and luckily the dingus in front of me who was entirely on the tracks was able to pull forward in time to avoid getting hit as well. Kids, this is why you don't EVER pull onto tracks without knowing you can get all the way across...!!!! My friend Mark was on the phone with me and was like omg you idiot get off the tracks, I can hear the train coming it sounds so close you're going to die... that was fun!).

I got to NYC at 10:30pm, took a cab to my hotel in midtown and was checked in and showered by midnight. Note that this was the first time in 24 hrs that I'd brushed my teeth, showered, or changed out of that French photojournalist "costume". I then proceeded to get totally played by some guy (he's moving to SF from NYC and wanted to meet when I got in; no point in giving details on it since he invited me over and then kicked me out at 3am for no reason I could discern; and no there was no intimate contact at any point in the evening; it wasn't that kind of "date," we were just meeting to talk and get to know each other; but dear not he's now dead to me). Anyways. So I got to sleep at about 4am, and woke up at 10am in time to scramble and pack and jump in a cab over to Brooklyn for the CIO forum.

The cab took 70 mins from midtown to the other side of the Brooklyn Bridge (oy!), and I got there just in time to modify my slides before the CIOs from the city of NYC showed up and we started the preso. Becky was there, as was Kishore and Teresa and others. I spoke on the Green Buildings work I'm doing, and after we all scavanged food from the luncheon and then went our separate ways. I headed back to midtown to meet *another* boy for the afternoon. I know I know, I sound like a slut, but this was also an innocent "date" and since I couldn't see any of my other friends since they were all working (sorry Joe and Mark and Big A!!), I figured I'd do this since my flight wasn't till 8:30pm.

So I met Sean, who turns out to be not only ridiculously gorgeous (if you're reading this Sean, then by ridiculously gorgeous I mean: meh, you're okay), but is super sweet and very smart. He teaches biology at a college in CT, has a great singing voice, has sections of the movie Clue memorized, and is just all around engaging to talk to. He was a tad focused on himself during our "date", and a little too gregarious (kept talking to random people almost to prove that he's the sort of person who talks to random people... even spoke fluent Deutsch with a pair of German ladies), and definitely too cocky about his looks (tho lord was that justified; he's in modeling discussions with an agent for Ralph Lauren types of work)... but his self-focus was forgiveable given he was fresh out of a relationship and needed someone to talk to about it, and definitely needed the emotional boost from self-centered discussion. And since it obviously wasn't a date that had a chance to go anywhere, I was just enjoying meeting him and getting to know him. And to be honest, sometimes I just want to listen and help other people sort themselves out, and not have to talk about myself at all. It was refreshing in that way. The over-gregariousness I think was maybe him being slightly nervous and trying to impress me... maybe. Who knows... who cares. The point is that I enjoyed my time with him tremendously and will spend the next few weeks fantasizing about what could have been. =D I may even try to text/call him on a semi-regular basis... unless that's too weird...?

I cabbed over to JFK, dropping off Sean at Grand Central en route (I feigned tiredness to have an excuse to rest my head on his shoulder in the cab, while he sang/recited half of Mary Poppins to my delight/fascination/horror; and not the parts everyone knows but the obscure end parts with Mr. Banks). In the cab, I got online to buy my ticket home (on JetBlue! my first flight with them evah!!), but it wouldn't go through... so I tried Skyping my travel agent (since my cell was dead) which worked except it was too choppy and I ended up giving up after the 5th "what was that sir? i can't hear a word you're saying". So I got to the airport and actually bought my ticket at the ticket counter only an hour before my flight. Who does that?!?! Apparently me.

And so now, here I am... at JFK waiting for my flight. Tomorrow will be insane... I get in at 1 am, then have to get up at 6 to get to the SF office by 7 so I can have breakfast and remind myself how to do a PFI interview. Then I spend 8am to 5pm doing a super-intense form of interviewing, after which I need to catch up on the week's e-mails and figure out what the hell I missed with all my class projects for school. So if any of you thought you might hear from my this wknd, fuhgeddaboutit.

Good times!!

5.6 Rocks SF

So last night at like 9:15 or so, an earthquake hit 50 miles SE of San Francisco. It was a 5.6, the strongest one since the 7-something that hit in 1989 and caused such ridiculous damage.

I was at home, standing by the door talking to Kelly, who'd stopped by for like 5 mins to pick up a bathing suit she'd lent to Leah. We were chatting it up, saying goodbye, and all of a sudden things shook a bit, and we looked at each other, and then the shaking kept going, and then it stopped. It lasted like, 5 seconds or so. Everything rattled, just like when a large truck drives by outside your house, but nothing fell over and there was no damage. It was a bit underwhelming, especially for a 5.6, which is actually a pretty big deal...! So I suppose we were lucky. This is now my 3rd or 4th earthquake in the last year (and ever!)... I wonder if that means anything? =D

Story can be found on CNN here: http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/30/california.quake/index.html

For Your Convenience...

I'd like to highlight a couple of signs I recently saw. Both employed the phrase "for your convenience," and while one of these signs clearly met this self-imposed criterion, the other most certainly did not.

First, outside of a Wells Fargo I saw a sign that said, "For your convenience, we are now open on Saturdays until 6pm." This is a great example of an action they've taken that is, indeed, for my convenience. No, I never go into a bank (except to use an ATM, and once 3 years ago to get 20s for a trip to Africa). But if I ever had to make a deposit in person, and it was like halfway through the weekend, and I just positively couldn't stand to wait until Monday... this branch would be a totally awesome lifesaver.

Second, in the parking lot of a nearby Safeway I saw a sign that said, "For your convenience, we have installed devices in the shopping carts that ensure that if a shopping cart leaves this lot, the wheels will lock up, an alarm will sound, your baby will be kidnapped by terrorists, and somewhere, somehow, a kitten will be drowned." I'm paraphrasing. But only slightly.

You'll notice that the second example is actually not for my convenience in the least. It's for their convenience. "They" being "The Man." No, this isn't for my convenience at all... instead I'd say it's the rough consumer equivalent of shoving a poleaxe up my ass. Well ok, it's not that bad. But people who mis-use the convenience phraseology have ruined that phrase for the rest of businessdom, and they must pay.

I vow that one day, when I am a democratically-elected politician (or a Party tool of our Communist Chinese Overlords (CCO for short)), I shall tighten regulations around the use of this phrase, to ensure that it is only ever applied to actions taken that were really, truly, for the convenience of the customer. Damn right.

ENDA - how liberal nobility might sink gay rights in the workplace

"Conservatives understand that cultural change is a long, gradual process of small but cumulatively deadly victories. Liberals want it all now. And that's why, in the culture wars, conservatives often win and we often lose. While conservatives spend years, if not decades, trying to convince Americans that certain judges are "activists," that gays "recruit" children, and that Democrats never saw an abortion they didn't like, we often come up with last-minute ideas and expect everyone to vote for them simply because we're right. Conservatives are happy with piecemeal victory, liberals with noble failure. We rarely make the necessary investment in convincing people that we're right because we consider it offensive to have to explain an obvious truth. When it comes time to pass legislation, too many liberals just expect good and virtuous bills to become law by magic, without the years of legwork necessary to secure a majority of the votes in Congress and the majority support of the people. We expect our congressional allies to fall on their swords for us when we've failed to create a culture in which it's safe for politicians to support our agenda and do the right thing. ENDA, introduced for the first time 30 years ago, is an exception to that rule. It took 30 years to get to the point where the Congress and the public are in favor of legislation banning job discrimination against gays. It's only been five months since transgendered people were included in ENDA for the first time."

That was posted in an article written by John Aravosis on salon.com.  Amen, John.  I'm with you.  God bless the Ts out there, but I need legal protection now.  I can't wait 20 years for it.  We need to get the greater US on board with *any* gay rights, so we can start adding in protections not just for Ts in the workplace, but for all of us to marry and adopt.  So let's start smaller than is ideal, so we can get as big as we want sooner that will otherwise happen.  Please...!!!

Sprint + Mobile Broadband = teh awesome

I'm almost embarrassed to say this, but I'm really happy with Sprint right now. I mean, sure, the state of freedom in the US cellular market is heinous, and we're basically structurally captive to a system of no choice and slow innovation, but given the shitty state of US telecommunications Sprint is doing pretty damned well.

I'm writing write now from the Caltrain as I wend my way to work. No, Caltrain did not implement its free on-train wi-fi; in fact, they've cancelled their plans to do so. That spurred me to think about other options, specifically mobile broadband. Mobile broadband uses the existing cellular networks to achieve broadband speeds (1.5 Mbps down, 500 Kbps up) pretty much anywhere you have cell coverage... which is pretty much anywhere.

But which carrier do you choose? There are at least 4 major options: Sprint, Verizon, AT&T, and T-mobile. And fear not... I've done the legwork on these 4 carriers and I'm happy to break down the results for you right here, right now.

1. Verizon – I eliminated Verizon because they have a 5 GB/month cap on their "unlimited" wireless broadband service, at which point they reserve the right to just up and cancel your account since they believe only people with evil intentions could ever use that much bandwidth. And thank god I eliminated them. In the 3 days since I got my Sprint card I've already downloaded and uploaded *each* over 1 GB. And that's just standard web browsing and e-mailing! Dumbasses. And yes, this little tidbit on the bandwidth cap is completely buried in the fine print. But it's there.
2. T-mobile – I eliminated T-mobile because their network isn’t broadband. It’s only 56-125k.
3. AT&T – I eliminated AT&T because of a few reasons. I like the fact that their Aircard is the Sierra Wireless 875U, which is quad-band and supports download speeds up to 3.6 Mbps. AT&T’s network is only max of 700k now, but it could theoretically get up to 3.6. However, the quad-band is essentially useless because outside the US you’re limited to 100 MB/month in a select roaming zone, and are otherwise charged 2 cents/KB. Which is $20/MB. Which apparently I do 1000 times over each day, thus potentially costing me $20,000/day at normal usage rates. So yeah, screw that. Plus, AT&T’s terms and conditions EXPRESSLY FORBID: webcams, video/audio streaming, p2p, machine2machine, and VOIP. So no Skype, no internet radio, no Youtube, no videoconferencing, no eMule... They’re assholes like that. Ummm, knock knock AT&T, welcome to 2007. Hell, welcome to 2005. Jeebiz.
4. Sprint – The only drawback to Sprint is that their card isn’t quad-band, so it’s not usable outside the US like AT&T’s is. And the Sierra 595U isn’t as fast as the 875U of AT&T, capping out at ~1.4 Mbps (I believe). But Sprint’s network RIGHT NOW is 1.4Mbps. And their terms and conditions actually permit all those things AT&T forbids. In fact, they explicitly permit these modern uses of the web, and instead only prohibit I think 3 things, which boil down to "don't do anything illegal with your connection". Damn right! Now *that's* service!

So yeah... the moral of the story is that Sprint is actually doing everything RIGHT in the arena of mobile broadband, while AT&T and Verizon are just embarrassing themselves. I'm waiting for T-mobile to get its act together... I have a feeling they'll get it right as well. Oh, and in case you were wondering... mobile broadband service is a separate contract from your cell service. So you can have mobile broadband service from Sprint even if your cell carrier isn't.

Oh yeah... I don't work for Sprint. =D And in fact I've been contemplating leaving them because of their lack of quad-band support. But instead I'm going to stay with them a while longer as a show of support for their modern attitude towards the web. =)

Rapture Letters

OK, kudos to my friend Sue for sharing this with me.

http://www.raptureletters.com/letter.html

I don't think I need to say anything else. I signed up to notify Kelly, Sue, and a couple of my Jewish friends (since they're presumably auto-skipped by the rapture; hi Becky & Gary!) before I got tired of clicking and typing (cause you know, I don't do that all day or anything). If you really want me to add you I will.

What that site really needs is a Web 2.0 overhaul, including some SOA-based verification of good Christian status. I'm guessing I wasn't the constituency they had in mind.

Iranian President is denied access to Ground Zero by NYC officials

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/09/19/ahmadinejad.ground.zero/index.html

Does this strike anyone else as a bit juvenile?! I swear, our country is run by a cabal of fucking junior high bullies. If a world leader wants to pay his respects, let him pay his damned respects. Who cares if we don't get along with him. It's incredibly petty to deny him this visit... it doesn't buy us anything and just aggravates our relationship with Iran. Which I know is what BushCo wants, but the rest of us should know better by now. Oy vey.

zomg! It's Int'l Talk Like A Pirate Day!

I hope you've all been talking like a pirate all day today. It's International Talk Like A Pirate Day today! It's your duty as an American to adhere to silly holidays declared by random and/or unnamed groups who have absolutley no authority whatsoever to do so.

Here's a quick pirate primer:

• Ahoy! – Hello!
• A merry yarn – A good story
• Booty – Treasure
• Davy Jones' Locker - fabled, mythical place at the bottom of the ocean where the evil spirit of Davy Jones brings sailors and pirates to die
• Shiver me timbers – I’m scared, my legs be shaking.
• Shocked to the very boney – That's surprising.
• Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! – Pull up anchor, let's go sailing.
• Yarr. – I agree.
• Yarr! – I see your point, and mightily agree.
• Yarr? – What did you say?

Enjoy!

A moment of silence for Robert Jordan

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5gBy7pK1U-kIvTHx4PYeiI8rqBkmg
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6999578.stm
http://www.cbc.ca/arts/books/story/2007/09/17/robertjordan-obit.html

........................................

Robert Jordan, one of my favorite authors of all time, died yesterday of a rare blood disease. He was very close to finishing his last book in the 12-book Wheel of Time series. He maintained a blog in his final years in which he updated his fans on the progression of and battle with his disease... he was truly a rare and amazing man. I'm really really sorry that we've all lost such a talented artist. :(

Voce Communications @ Rockit Room w/ Off the Record--Party for a Cause

Hey folks --

My roomate volunteers with Girls For A Change, a national organization that empowers thousands of teen girls to create and lead social change. They're having a benefit tomorrow, Weds, 9/12, in San Francisco.

Voce Communications is bringing out the PR/media community to support the organization, raise money, drink some booze and network. They have a great band confirmed: Off the Record that is comprised of media legends, such as Don Clark of the Wall Street Journal. Think Journey meets Cat Stevens. I'm not sure if that's good or not, but it's what Leah told me to say, and I am her puppet!

Anyways, it's a good cause, so if you're around you should go.

What: Girls For A Change Benefit
Where: Rockit Room
406 Clement Street (between 5th and 6th Ave.)
San Francisco
When: September 12 @ 7pm
Why: Raise Some Money for a Good Cause
Entertainment: Off the Record Band

ok, this is just ridiculous

http://www.amazon.com/Handheld-Portable-Uv-Led-Blacklight/dp/B000ML3S10/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/103-3314820-5959803?ie=UTF8&s=miscellaneous&qid=1188365888&sr=1-2

Check that out. "Easily pick up pet stains and locate scorpions." "Great gem and mineral detection."

Finally. The gem and mineral detection I need with the scorpion location technology I've gone so many years without, all in one convenient package. This truly is a gift worthy of a king. I am SOOOO getting one.

Finally caught up!

Praise the Lord!!! I’m finally caught up on e-mails from my Summer o’ Fun. And by caught up, I mean that my inbox is now empty… because I moved everything to other folders. =P So technically, I still have a couple hundred e-mails that need relatively immediate attention. But at least they’ve been categorized!!

Oh, and that’s just for my work account. School is, as always, insanely behind, and I don’t see how I’m going to catch up. E-mail sometimes sucks… it lures you in with the promise of interesting readings and conversations, and then traps you into thinking you have to read everything that comes to you. I’m starting to learn that I can just delete shit that I don’t have time for… but I still feel guilty about it. There was an article on salon.com a few months ago arguing that we’re not actually socially obligated to read every e-mail, or to even keep our inboxes clear. I need to go read that article to see if it can help me justify myself.

Isn’t it weird how like 15 yrs ago no one on the planet had e-mail, but now it’s this big deal if you don’t respond to someone’s message within 24 hrs? Same with phone calls and text messages, though on a different timescale for each. Most of these methods of communications don’t have any cost associated with sending them (save the execution time), and almost always require more time and resources for the receiver to reply. I think we need to devise a system that disincents people from sending messages. That would help throttle back the traffic on the internet (porn spams!) and in my inbox, specifically. Like a slight cost per e-mail sent.

Actually, there’s a start-up I’ve heard of that’s created a sort of e-mail-based currency. When sending a message that’s important to you, you attach some currency to it as an incentive for the receiver to respond (and as an indicator of its relative importance to you). Each person on the system is only allocated a set amount of currency per month, so you can’t over-use it. I like the idea of that… it would really help me prioritize my responses if I could sort based on relative importance to the sender.

This post would fall under the “nonsensitudes” category. Or ramblings, if I were to update the name of my blog.

Finally caught up!

Praise the Lord!!! I’m finally caught up on e-mails from my Summer o’ Fun. And by caught up, I mean that my inbox is now empty… because I moved everything to other folders. =P So technically, I still have a couple hundred e-mails that need relatively immediate attention. But at least they’ve been categorized!!

Oh, and that’s just for my work account. School is, as always, insanely behind, and I don’t see how I’m going to catch up. E-mail sometimes sucks… it lures you in with the promise of interesting readings and conversations, and then traps you into thinking you have to read everything that comes to you. I’m starting to learn that I can just delete shit that I don’t have time for… but I still feel guilty about it. There was an article on salon.com a few months ago arguing that we’re not actually socially obligated to read every e-mail, or to even keep our inboxes clear. I need to go read that article to see if it can help me justify myself.

Isn’t it weird how like 15 yrs ago no one on the planet had e-mail, but now it’s this big deal if you don’t respond to someone’s message within 24 hrs? Same with phone calls and text messages, though on a different timescale for each. Most of these methods of communications don’t have any cost associated with sending them (save the execution time), and almost always require more time and resources for the receiver to reply. I think we need to devise a system that disincents people from sending messages. That would help throttle back the traffic on the internet (porn spams!) and in my inbox, specifically. Like a slight cost per e-mail sent.

Actually, there’s a start-up I’ve heard of that’s created a sort of e-mail-based currency. When sending a message that’s important to you, you attach some currency to it as an incentive for the receiver to respond (and as an indicator of its relative importance to you). Each person on the system is only allocated a set amount of currency per month, so you can’t over-use it. I like the idea of that… it would really help me prioritize my responses if I could sort based on relative importance to the sender.

This post would fall under the “nonsensitudes” category. Or ramblings, if I were to update the name of my blog.

Beer and Hotel Carpets

OK... interesting lesson I just learned. When I can't find a bottle opener, it's possible to open the bottle by placing the cap against the edge of a marble ledge, then slamming my hand down on the top. I mean, I knew that was theoretically possible, but since the only other time I'd ever done it was in Vegas when I was drunk on my 30th b-day wknd, I was skeptical it would work in normal spacetime. But it does.

However, the bottle immediately starts to spew head all over the place, but most specifically all over the hotel carpet. So be prepared to suck hard and fast (boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...). The other interesting lesson I just learned is that despite the proliferance of beer suds all over said hotel carpet, by the time you pivot 180, grab a towel, and pivot back 180, the carpet's already healed and shows absolutely no sign of ever having been spilled on. Which really is scary when you stop to wonder what else this carpet's sucked up into its unplumbable depths that I'm stepping all over even as I type.

I keep saying I'm going to buy a blacklight to keep in my laptop bag so I can see just how nasty hotel rooms truly are. I think I'll put that in my Amazon wishlist right now.

Mmmm... bursty!

Is there anything so truly restorative after 10 hours of travel as a pint of chocolate ice cream and a bottle of beer? Well... yes, there is. Limeaid. Carrot cake. A massage. A good shag. Cuddling. Mexican hot chocolate. Fresh-baked cookies. I could go on.

But I won't. Instead, you may note that true to my own form, I'm totally on/off with the blogging. 2 weeks go by with nothing, and now I'm going to spam out like 10 posts that I wrote on the various planes I was on today, in between the roughly 75 e-mails I sent out (roughly half of which were work-related... see how productive I can be when provoked!).

Wheeee! Enjoy!

Dating is Fun!

So… I went on a date last night with this guy. We met a few months back online somewhere, and had been chatting on yahoo IM off and on since. When I was stuck in the Lima airport for 8 hrs last Sunday, I hung out in an internet café, and it was then that he and I really started chatting with any frequency. We really seemed to be hitting it off… he seemed nice and interesting, and a little sarcastic and/or snide… a good combo, overall. Worth meeting, I figured. So we made plans to do just that.

Well, the first attempt failed, but we pulled it off last night. I BARTed out to the east bay (West Oakland!), and he picked me up from the station. I really wasn’t too sure what he looked like, since I’d only seen a few small pics… and I tend to be a little overly looks-obsessed (which is pathetic and embarrassing, but I blame it on gay culture, which means it’s not my fault and really, I’m just as much a victim as those I malign). So at first I was worried about what he looks like, and if I’d be attracted to his face, his body, his voice. But then I realized we were just meeting as friends, more or less, and it didn’t matter what he looked like because we got along so well online and on the phone. So anyways, he picks me up, and I jump in his car, and I’m like, oh my lord, he’s hot. He’s almost 6’, well-built, very cute… great voice. And I’m like, oh good, this won’t be a total disaster. Yay!

We went back to his place, because he wanted to keep things low-key and eat dinner in, hang out, and maybe watch a movie. I was totally signed on to this plan (even tho I had to go to the freaking east bay) primarily because he promised to cook me dinner. I’m thinking that he’s one of those people who says how great a cook they are, and how awesome their lasagna is, and then you get there and they’ve made a passable lasagna and opened a pre-packed bag of salad on the side, and then they give you a glass of weird-tasting water and spend the whole meal making faces indicating just how delicious their grandmother’s lasagna recipe truly is, and don’t you agree, and if you’re good then just maybe he’ll give you a copy of the recipe.

Yeah. Well. Check out what he made for us. Sliced, thick, warm bread, served with olives and a melted herbed brie that I suspect he self-herbed. Pesto pasta with a pesto he made from scratch. Mashed sweet potatoes with cream and something else, that he made from scratch. Artichokes that he’d stuffed with whole caramelized garlic gloves, goat cheese, and tomatoes. Yes, made from scratch. And all I showed up with was a bottle of Tempranillo that I was all excited I’d found cause it’s from La Rioja where I visited in Spain this summer. Oh, and he apologizes for how half-assed dinner is, and how he really should have made the bread and pasta from scratch, too.

Holy god.

And it just gets better from there. He’s super sweet and a great conversationalist. He seems genuinely interested in me and my hare-brained stories. He tells me his 5 favorite movies: Transformers (the 80s cartoon version; we both cried when Optimus Prime died), Spaceballs, What Dreams May Come (he still cries when he watches it), Long Kiss Goodnight (go Geena Davis!), and the fucking Disney version of Alice in Wonderland!!!! I have two copies of that last one because I used to watch it ALL THE TIME and one time thought I’d lost my copy, so I had to buy an emergency backup. I have it practically memorized, and occasionally sing songs from it under my breath. So I share with him my favorites, like Clue, Airplane!, Top Secret, Star Trek: First Contact, and more… and he owns all of them and can throw favorite quotes and scenes at me from each one. And he loves Family Guy, and he’s seen the director’s cut of all 3 Lord of the Rings IN A ROW just like I’ve wanted to do for yeaaaars but would be happy to do it again with me sometime if I’d like. He thought 300 was a shitty movie because the storyline was “too simple”, which is BS and a horrible opinion to have, but I guess nobody’s perfect.

He oil paints, he used to DJ, he grows his own bonsais and loves gardening in general. [Apparently Japanese Red Maples are very temperamental when young and can’t go a week without water without dying. Who knew?!] He works for a non-profit related to the homeless, as well as working at a friend’s coffee shop just for shits, as well as editing wedding videos on the side for extra cash. He’s done some personal training, and the 24-hr Fitness he goes to wants to hire him on as a full-time trainer. He’s debating joining the SFPD. He runs 10-20 miles on Sundays, and has done multiple marathons. He’s also a biker, like me (sorta).

In short, I think he may be one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. No offense to current friends and family. =D

So what happened with the date? He was visibly nervous for, like, the first hour of it (why on god’s green earth I don’t know, it’s just me), but got comfortable with me and/or the date after that. We talked a lot… never ended up seeing a movie, tho we were going to watch the Family Guy movie since I haven’t seen it yet. At one point we started cuddling, which led to making out. And he’s great at that, too. He also found some trigger areas on my neck… suffice to say I had to pull him off, and still walked away with a mild hickey (which I was convinced would elicit snide remarks from coworkers, but miraculously went completely unnoticed). Things progressed, and tho I’m not entirely thrilled with my lack of self-restraint, I don’t really have any regrets. I stayed over and we snuggled overnight, and then he got us up at 6am to get me to the BART so I could get home and down to work on time.

So now I’m more or less besotted with him. He has issues… we all do, right? I got a glimpse of a few of them, and I started getting really angry on his behalf. He’s wary to trust too quickly, and I don’t blame him. So now starts the usual Graeme nonsense where I bounce between 2 extremes. On the one end, I can’t wait to see him again, and I want to text him and talk to him and IM him till I’m blue in the face or fingers or whatever. But then on the other end, I don’t want to come on super-strong and freak him out and then end up screwing up something that might have a chance at lasting more than 2 months. Most likely I’ll proceed as normal, which means random bursts of communications followed by days of silence, as I oscillate between my extremes. I’m pretty sure guys find that sort of mixed-message unpredictability totally endearing, and he and I will be walking the aisle in Massachusetts in no time flat.

Anyways, just figured I’d document this for posterity’s sake. Either he and I will read this in 5 years and laaaugh and laaaugh (hi future us!), or this can serve as a vivid example of just how confused and confusing I am when it comes to relationships.

Either way… wish me luck!

One Down, Two to Go...

Karl Rove resigned today! In the Republican Axis of Evil, he's #2 behind Cheney and ahead of Bush. This is pretty awesome news... he's always seemed so untouchable, despite all the horrible things he's done (see salon.com's War Room for a mere sampling of the shit he's pulled).

Sticking with the old political mainstay, he's resigning to spend more time with his family. I love that BS... it's always code for "I fucked up and I need to flee before I end up in jail." Again, salon.com's War Room says it best when they say, "It's not clear why, after six and a half years of the Bush-Rove presidency, Rove's wife and college-age son need him so much on Aug. 31, 2007, that they can't wait until Jan. 20, 2009." Hahahaha.

The really heinous piece of all of this is that somehow, resigning immunizes you from prosecution. I've never understood that. It's like politicians get to choose between retaining power and facing consequences for their illegal actions, or resigning and retiring into plush lobbying jobs, consequence-free. How is that fair, again? I bet you anything the federal government never levies charges against Rove. Fucking system... where's justice!!!!

Enough of that rant... I'll leave this with my rosy prediction that I fear his resignation is simply a part of Rove's Evil Master Plan for World Domination (tm). I don't trust the man, and I don't trust that he's going to disappear into the wordwork like Ari Fleischer did lo those many years ago. He's been the spider in the center of the web for far too long to give it up now... I think we'll start feeling his hand in the next 6 months as he somehow monkeys with the 2008 presidential race. Ugh. Where are all the demon-slaying paladins when you need one.

Where the Hell have I been?!

Well... I'm still behind on my Eurotrip posts, and now I have a week's worth of posts to create about my trip to Peru. I'm currently sitting in the airport in Lima, waiting out my 7 hr layover to Miami from Cusco. This last week I hiked the Peruvian Andes with several of my friends, and had a blast. It was hard as hell... we were hiking between 8000 and 14000 feet, with tons of up and down, so my legs and knees are a bit sore from all that. And sadly I didn't get to try a "famous" 6-hand Inca massage (what the hell are all those hands doing?!) because I was randomly stricken with some disease that caused me to vomit and shit about 45 lbs of material out my orifices in a 4 hr period. But enough teasing, I'll let you be. I'll try to haul my ass back here and start posting in the next day or 2. ;)

G

CEBToD: Day 14 -- Savona to Riomaggiore

So today was a bike-free day! After yesterday we desperately needed it. Well, ok, it wasn’t totally bike-free… we did bike from the Swiss hotel to the train station. But that was all of a mile. Anyways, we had been worried about the possibility of the train strike still affecting us. As you’ll recall, the south of France was experiencing a strike earlier in the week, which had hosed up our plans for getting around the coast. Though I forgot to mention it before, we had been intending to take the train to Genoa at one point yesterday, but found that there was either the same strike in Italy or a sympathy strike, which is what forced us to ground in Savona. But I spoke with the front desk at the hotel last night and found out that since today’s Saturday, the trains are running per normal. Apparently European strikes are a weekday thing… even strikers have the weekend off under socialism. Hahaha.

So anyways. We got our tickets and jumped on the train, and rode the 100 miles or more from Savona to the Cinque Terra. We had no idea which one we would stay in, but we figured we’d skip the first one (Monterosso) as it’s the most touristy and would likely be the hardest to find a hotel in, and I’d been there yearsssss before. We ended up jumping off the train at the last of the 5 towns, in Riomaggiore.
Riomaggiore is a tiny little town that’s nestled in what I’m pretty sure is effectively a fjord. It’s a very steep valley running down to the Med from these high-ass mountains that sit very very close to the water. So the town is super-steep and basically is built like a bunch of switchbacks running up the side of the mountain. It’s also ludicrously beautiful and incredibly quaint… very touristy (though not as much as Monterosso), and easily in my top 3 places we visited in Europe on this trip (with Girona and either Avignon or Lucca, the latter of which my narrating voice hasn’t been to yet, so pretend I didn’t mention that).

We walked our bikes up the super-steep hillside and found a hotel to check into. Our room looked out onto what we called the kirchenplatz (church square), which seemed filled with kids and villagers and flowers and birds at all hours of the day. It was terribly serene, at least for me. We hung out for a bit and watched some European track championships on tv, then headed down to get some food and try to hike between the towns. If you don’t know much about the Cinque Terra, they’re basically a series of 5 small Italian towns that, like Riomaggiore, are squeezed between the coast and these very steep coastal mountains. The road to get to them is really obnoxiously steep, which is why we had no intention of biking in (though maybe Dan and Ben will do a day trip tomorrow (they didn’t)). The towns are crazy beautiful, and there’s a hiking path along the Med that connects all 5. That path has some impressive vistas, and is absolutely worth doing. However, if you’re faint of leg, I’d suggest just going from Riomaggiore to the next one (Manarola); that stretch is pretty easy and still crazy pretty.

So our standing lunch included a bottle of wine, which Dan was hilariously still reluctant to drink openly on the street. At this point in the trip, however, I was an unabashed lush and had no problem letting the world know. But to reassure Dan that it was ok, I asked the lady at the store “posso bere out there?” and she was says with gusto, “Si!! C’e Italia!!!!” To which I turned to Dan and said, “see?! It’s Italia!!!!” And so we drank on the streets. =D After lunch, we picked up the most amazing gelato of the trip, and ate it as we hiked to town #4. The hike was, as mentioned, beautiful. Though the water was incredibly choppy… normally people would try to swim in the rock cove of Riomaggiore, but that would have been suicidal on a day like this. Still, we saw people rock diving in town #4… brave souls. We decided to continue on to town #3, even though it was getting late in the day. We finally rolled into town #3 (starts with a C?) at 7ish. #3 is perched high on a cliff overlooking the Med, and there’s quite the climb up to it from the hiking path. But the view was well worth it.

We grabbed dinner in town (at one of I think 2 restaurants in this tiny-ass village) and Ben won dinner… his pasta dish was phenomenal. The great part was we had no idea what it was… it wasn’t until days later that we looked up the name and found out that the secret, delicious ingredient was none other than… pig cheek!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, pig cheek!!!

So by then it was getting dark, and so we gave up on hiking to the next town (which Dan had done years earlier and said is a bitch of a hike). Instead we walked down to the train station to catch a train back to Riomaggiore. On the way down we ran into 2 Canadian ladies who were headed to Monterosso for a night out on the town… they were pretty fun, tho poorly dressed/shoed for running up and down steep cliffs. After a bit of a wait, we made it back to Rio, where we grabbed some booze and wandered town at night, drinking, eventually ending up by the water. After we were good and drunk, we picked our way back up through the precariously steep alleys to our place and passed out. Yay!

CEBToD: Typical Day

I feel like I should log what a typical day for us was, because by the end we’d fallen into a definite pattern to our activities. So here goes.

Each morning we’d wake up around 8am and grab breakfast, either at the hotel if it was free and/or didn’t suck (as many French ones did), or using a combo of grocery store and coffee shop. Then we’d head back to the room, pack up our stuff, suit up in our bibs and jerseys, and lube our taints with copious globs of chamois cream. While one of us checked out, the others would get the bikes from lock-up and start loading them with the panniers and trunk. We popped Aleve daily, to help forestall aches/pains. I also was taking a multivitamin and something called “Sportslegs” that I’d gotten from Performance Bikes… I figured any edge I could get I would need. =D Then we’d re-fill our water bottles with bottled water from 1.5L bottles (Evian, usually), and then put on sunscreen and sunglasses, clip in, and start biking around 10am.

The biking part of the day had been planned out the previous nights over maps we were carrying with us. We basically would plot out what we thought a realistic goal for a next city would be, including if we thought we’d need to take a train at any point. We would pick smaller roads to avoid fast traffic, and tried to stick as close to the coast as possible. Over the weeks, we learned more and more about how to read those maps… we started finding bike paths on them, and elevations, and indications of grade in the road… it’s amazing how much information those maps contain!!!

During the actual biking, we would try to maintain a steady pace, like say 16 mph. That would of course depend on the grade, the amount of sleep/drinking we’d done the night before, when in the day it was, etc. When going uphill, Dan and Ben went first, because they were faster than me, so I’d catch them at the top where they were waiting. Going downhill, Dan typically wanted me going first in case something happened to me. =D Given that I’d only recently wiped out and broken my collarbone, I was still a bit nervous going downhill and would try to keep my speed to 20-25 mph, which basically meant riding my brakes heavily the whole time.
The biking days were punctuated with frequent pee breaks (Dan’s bladder is a wee little one), as well as breaks to snack and drink and take pictures of the beauteousness that surrounded us. For a good swath of the trip we were carrying port flasks, and would take nips throughout the day. ;) We usually stopped somewhere for lunch around 1 or so, and ate pretty heartily, including an espresso at the end. We also would stop in the mid-afternoon around 4 for another espresso and maybe some gelato.

We generally rolled into town around 6pm, after 8 hrs of being “on the road”. We usually only spent 4-4.5 hrs of those 8 actually rolling, tho, with the rest of the time spent on the stops mentioned above. Once we got into town, we tried to find the old center where the pedestrian-only roads were, and then look for a hotel. The hotel had to be roughly 100 euros/night, accept 3 people, and have a place for us to lock up our bikes (we learned to ask about our bikes in 3 diff languages!). It was generally easy finding a hotel for ~100 euros that had triples, and almost every place took bikes. But we’d always ask about breakfast, too, and in so many places it was an extra 10 euros/person/day, and was never worth that much! So that was a bummer we learned to live with. =D

Once checked in, we locked our bikes in the basement/garage/lobby/wherever, and then went upstairs to clean up. We took turns showering, and would wash our bike clothes in the shower with us, using camp soap or body gel. We’d hang up our bike stuff to dry for use the next morning, get dressed in our civvies, and Dan would typically show us “the Marseille” (don’t ask!!!). While we were showering, one of us (usually Dan or Ben) would run out and get snacks, booze, and water bottles for that night and the next day. Once we were all ready, we would head out and wander the town, drinking and looking for a place to eat. Once we’d been fed and explored the town, we’d finish up drinking and head back to the hotel, and typically crash out by midnight. So that translates into roughly 4 hrs biking/day, 8 hrs sleeping/day, and the other 12 hrs spent eating, peeing, and wandering cities. =D

Good times!

CEBToD: Day 13 -- San Remo to Savona

Ha HA! Bet you thought I’d never get back to blogging my Eurotrip, didn’t you? DIDN’T YOU!!! Well, you were wrong. Sadly, my memory’s slightly hazier at this point, but I’m determined to get it all down before I go to Peru in 6 days and I have to wipe my brain’s vacation RAM to make way for new insanity.

So anyways. Today was a very long and rough day. We wanted to get all the way up to Genoa, from which tomorrow we’d likely be training to the Cinque Terra. But Genoa is 140 km from San Remo (something like 90+miles), and though we expected the terrain to be relatively flat, we weren’t entirely sure we could pull it off. And surprise! We didn’t. =D The ride was much tougher than we’d expected, including numerous climbs that weren’t on the map. Overall, we covered about 60 miles and 2200 ft of elevation, in about 4.5 hrs of riding. Today ended up being our longest ride, short of the first day when Dan and I did our 66 mile monster from Barcelona to Girona. And man, was I feeling at at the end of the day.

Highlights of today were many and varied… we rode through a totally random Italian town that apparently specialized in German tourists, though not, apparently, in the German language. One of the restaurants we passed had a sign advertising the special of the day: “SheiBe mit salat.” For those of you playing the home game, that means “shit with salad,” which of course had us in hysterics for a good 15 minutes. That same place had a random-ass gift shop that sold these magazines that came shrink-wrapped with the most bizarrely unrelated objects… for example, one was shrink-wrapped with walkie-talkies, and another with a ball of yarn. Ben couldn’t get enough of them and kept going in and finding even weirder objects shrink-wrapped to magazines… it was quite amusing.

Anyways, after 100 years of riding we finally decided to call it quits in Savona. It’s a big port city, so there was quite a sizeable downtown / old city, and so we pulled in, dismounted, and Ben and I went off separately scouting for hotels while Dan watched the bikes. I actually stopped a woman on the street who I’d overheard speaking French, and asked her if she knew where the Tourist Office was… she said it was closed already. L So I continued on, and came across an apparently Swiss hotel, where the woman at the front desk spoke English, French, Italian, and German. So we did a convo in half French and half English to see if they could take us, and they could, so I checked out the room and came back down and there was that same French woman I’d asked about the Tourist Office! She apparently had been headed to the same hotel… who knew! I think I tried to say “great minds think alike” in French and hosed it up. Ah well. =D

So I went back and got Dan and Ben (Ben hadn’t had luck finding an alternative), so we checked into the Swiss place. We got ourselves cleaned up, then headed out on a quest for dinner. Omg, it took 1000 years to find food. I mean, we kept finding restaurants but they were all full up, which was such a freaking tease, cause after all that biking today we were DYING. We finally found a gelato place and stocked up on ice cream… I got a chocolate with hot peppers that was really good (the Italian who served me made me try it first cause he was worried it might kill me; most Europeans can’t take spicy foods, I’ve learned, unlike us macho Americans!). I asked the gelato guy where we could get dinner, and he pointed us to a place called Vesuvius. We found it, and hilariously it was like a block from our hotel, after we’d walked basically a giant circle around the city for an hour. D’oh!!! Anyways, dinner was great… multiple courses, multiple beers, then we headed back to the hotel and crashed out.

Good times!

My 2nd earthquake!

So on Thursday night last week I experienced my 2nd ever earthquake! It was pretty awesome. Only a 4.2, but it was just across the bay in the Oakland Hills and so I felt it, baby! It was like 4 in the morning, and I just randomly woke up, and immediately felt this crescendo of deep bass rumblings…

rumblerumblerumblerumbleRUMBLERUMBLERUMBLErumblerumble… the whole building shook and things were rattling, but it was sort of a happy pleasant sort of shake and rattle. Apparently it lasted 10-30 seconds (depending on where you were)… I’m guessing that the low bass of the early part of the crescendo is what woke me up, giving me another 5-10s to enjoy the experience.

Anyways, Leah came running out of her room and yelled through my door, “omg, what was that!!” And I was like, um, hello native Bay Area girl, that was an earthquake. Hahaha. Ah well, she was out of it… it was 4 in the morning and the thing did wake us up.

I have to admit that as it rumbled away for the few seconds it lasted, I was half-expecting the crescendo to continue… I can see how it could have increased to a really destructive level, which would have been kind of cool to witness (assuming I survived). Some day that’ll happen, and I’ll likely still be living here. But it’s nice to know that I’m not really freaked out by earthquakes, and apparently won’t be until the Big One’s actually attempting to kill me.

Steak and Potter

omg, i'm the worst blogger ever. seriously... i'm so behind.

But I have semi-valid excuses. First of all, while I was gone in Europe I missed internet porn. So I've had some catching up to do. But setting that aside, I've also been super social since coing back. I think I've been out about 7 times in the last 2 weeks. That's not Europe-level drinking, but that's pretty damned good for me. I've been on WoW for all of 5 mins, I think... and I haven't played any other games aside from 10 mins of Civ3 (I got frustrated cause the Romans wiped out my foothold city in their territory).

So what've I been doing? Lessee.... last Thursday was Steak and Potter... dinner at House of Prime Rib with Stefan and Tiffany followed by a midnight showing of the new Harry Potter. The dinner was on me, as congrats to Tiff for finishing her masters program! It was soooo good, too... if you haven't been to HoPR, it's a restaurant in SF that literally only serves Prime Rib (and sides). The food was awesome, and our waitress even better. She was a lot of fun, but it turns out she had us fooled, and she was actually Scottish, but in the 2 yrs since she'd moved here she'd completely mastered the American accent. I told her we would have tipped her better [than 20%] if she'd kept the accent. =P

What else... the movie was great. We saw Transformers on Friday night, too, after dinner at Thirsty Bear... xformers was AWESOME. I've been waiting for that movie since I was 5. It was non-stop action and sooooooooooo fun, and I really liked the dialogue. Esp the kid and the scenes with his parents.

My super hot and hilarious German friend JJ came into town on Sat for 6 days for work... I picked him up and then we bar-hopped with friends of Kelly's starting at 5. We went from Buena Vista Cafe to Rogue to Bigfoot to Cinch to Roger's house, where we watched Eurotrip and ate tots and passed out at 4ish am. Rogue was a lot of fun... I had combo chocolate/hazelnut beers and we met all these random people that were part of the 40-man bar crawl. We picked up a new friend Kevin and brought him with us the rest of the night. By the time we left Rogue it was me, Kelly, Roger, Floria, Joe, Kevin, Tiffany, Stefan, Kelly, and JJ. A good group. =D We tried stalking Vanilla Ice, who was playing a couple doors down from Bigfoot at Red Devil Lounge, but we couldn't find him. So we hung out at the gay bar Cinch before heading to Roger and Joe's.

Sunday I was up at noon and home by 1ish, then helped Kelly clear out her storage unit and move her stuff that evening. She made me and Joe dinner and I drank a bit there, then it was off to work for the week. Nothing Mon/Tues, but Weds we took JJ out for a last hurrah at Zeitgeist, another biergarten (since those are hard for him to find in his native Deutschland). In bed by 2am, up at 6am and off to work for a day of PFI training.

And then tonight we did happy hour at the Academy of Science's 3rd Thursday, where I sipped rum and cokes with the penguins, giant sea bass, and poisonous darter frogs. Yum! Then we got all-u-can-eat ethernopian food at Dazeima (?) on Divis and Hayes with some of Kelly's friends from the EPA. Some crazy hot guy was there as a friend of one of Kelly's friends... he looks like a tall blond surfer version of Joey from Blossom... but he's Cornell-educated and very clever and random, so he was totally up my alley. Alas I'm sure he's straight, as is every guy I ever meet who I'm even remotely interested in. It's my curse, I suppose. I blame Voldemort.

Which reminds me... I'll wrap up by saying that I started the 1st Harry Potter book on my flight home from Europe... after YEARS of refusing to read them in a sort of silent protest against pop culture, I finally caved in and started, and now I'm on book 5. I've been reading one every 2 days or so, minus the drinking hours. I should be ready for the release on Saturday of #7, at this rate. I swear sometimes I'm a smidge demented in the way I do things.

"You look like a French Criminal."

So, I'm back. And I'm alive. I'm also realllly behind on my trip blogging. But when I get home tonight (after a nap) I'll be loading all my pics and video, sorting through to find the good stuff, and then resume posting. It'll take me a week or 2 to catch up on all the Euro-posts, but I'll finish them out, I swear!

But let me give you a brief update. I got home late Sunday night after like 30 hrs of traveling. I took Monday off to recover and just have some alone time at home. Also... I shaved off the facial hair last week, but then I (and the Spaniards) decided that I looked too young and that my new, more spikey 'do looked silly on its own, so I re-grew it. And when I showed up on Tuesday for my first day at work in like 5 weeks, my boss promptly told me all my hair changes make me look like a French criminal. Which is fucking hilarious. =D So obviously I need to find a way to make all these changes work! hehehe. I was also accused of whitening my teeth while I was gone, but I think that's just because I'm a lot more tan (on the body parts you can see, anyways).

Also, I had a phenomenal shag last night (seriously... it was long and intense, in the best way possible), so despite the lost sleep that caused and the resultant aggravation of my low-grade cold, I'm in a great mood. =D And I'm also at work, so I need to cut this posting-break short and get my ass back to the grindstone.

CEBToD: Day 12 -- Nice to Monaco to San Remo

"Oh cool.... we had breakfast in France, lunch in Monaco, and we'll have dinner in Italy." That about sums up today. Between 36 and 45 miles (I think 36, but my odometer mysteriously jumped to 45 somewhere at the end of the day), with 1700 feet of climbing, across 4h10m of actual biking. We started in Nice, and biked along the mountainous coast through Monaco over into Italy. 3 countries in one day by bike... we were pretty pleased with ourselves! =D

The ride to Monaco was ridiculously beautiful. Lots of up and down along these cliffs jutting out over the Med... red-roofed villages clinging to the hills... beautiful sunny skies and a light breeze.... lots of biking work, but worth every meter. Villefranche was our favorite... ridiculously beautiful. Monaco itself is super-cool... more freaking petit trains there, but what can you do. We had lunch at a little restaurant adjacent to the yachts... we saw a camaro with IL license plates parked there. Swear to god. We took a picture but couldn't find the owner to chat him up. :( I'm wondering if he drove it there via his yacht. =P We checked out the casinos after a 12% grade climb (only a couple 100 meters long, but dear god that was hard), then left town.

More beautiful French Med vistas... at one point we had a phenomenal descent with only a slight grade that lasted forever and switchedback down a hill on the Med... then the border with Italy! A big deal... we were leaving behind not just France but any hope of being able to communicate with the locals in their native language, as none of us speak Italian. D'oh. Wish us luck.

Italy was more of the same gorgeous viewage... though right outside Ventimiglia was the most dangerous bit of biking we've done the entire trip (and since I'm writing this part post-biking, I can say it was the most dangerous, period). It was a steep descent through a very long tunnel (900 meters or more?), with no interior lighting, bad shoulder so we had to ride in the car lane, and it came up on us too fast for us to pull over and turn on our lights. So it was dark, we werent' easily visible to cars, and it was a perilous ride just given the road quality itself. Very very scary. But over relatively quickly... and really good for me to get over my fear of descent through dark tunnels brought on by my crash. =P Character building!!!

Anyways... more biking, and we decided to stop in San Remo. Random Italian town, but the choice ended up being awesome. The room we got was HUGE.... 2 bedrooms, giant bathroom, balcony overlooking the water, and breakfast included... all for just ~100 euros. And the town itself is very cool.... lots of narrow pathways between ancient buildings, all cut into the hills of the town... so we explored for a while and had a lot of fun with it.

Dinner took us a while to find... most places we came across seemed way too expensive (15+ euros/plate). We finally settled on a random pseudo-touristy-lookin place called Dick Turpins, down by the water. Yeah... I don't get the name, either. =P Our dinner tonight was basically the exact opposite of our dinner 2 nights ago in St. Tropez. Instead of them rushing us through our meal, we sat there for like 3 hrs total, end to end. It was nuts. But the food... hoder, the food!! It was sooooo good. I had a phenomenal lemon risotto that I'm totally going to try making at home. And I ordered some sangria that was floating in this giant-ass bowl at the bar... and oh dear god. It was the best sangria I've had in my LIFE. I'm not exaggerating (me? never!!!). It had nutmeg, cinnamon, bananas, oranges, raspberries, apples, pineapples... it was so good I had multiple foodgasms, right there in front of everyone. I'm getting goosebumps just thinking of it. I should have collected samples to analyze back in the lab so I could duplicate it. Dear god.

And then after dinner we wandered back to a gelato place... and OMG best gelato EVER. I don't know why all the food here was so good, but it was amazingly awesome. I had cafe and coco and something else... and it just danced on my tongue. Dan cited this gelato as what the rest of the trip will likely be like for us. =D

After gelato, Dan pussed out and went to bed. But Ben and I stayed up and drank up on the rooftop deck of our hotel, roughly 6 stories up, with an awesome vista of the town and the Med. Fantastic way to close out the night!!

CEBToD: Day 11 -- St. Tropez to Nice

Today was a weird day. It was pretty easy overall... only 25.6 miles with 567 ft of climbing, taking about 2h10m on the bike. Our original plan had been to bike to a train station and then train it into Nice for the night, so we'd have time to see the city, and have a bit of a bike-break after yesterday's grueling ride. Sounds simple... but I'll explain in a bit why it turned out not to be.

First things first... we checked out and got breakfast in the main square: coffee at a little cafe and then foodstuffs at a grocery next door. We then biked around the bay towards the first train station on the map (St. Tropez, if you'll remember, has no station). It was a beautiful ride... the day was sunny, like it's been for most of the trip, and it was in the 90s... but remarkably I haven't been sweating (probably because of the constant breeze from the biking). There were bike paths for much of the journey, so we were able to really enjoy the ride without fear of being hit by errant cars.

So we pulled into the town (Frejus), which looked really cute during the 5 mins we biked through it. We got to the train station and I went to buy us tickets, but it turns out that all the trains today had been cancelled, except for the first and last. And the last wasn't due for another several hours. She suggested we bike to the next town and see if we could get a train there. We had no idea why the trains had been cancelled; neither, it seemed, did several other Frenchies waiting for the same train. I didn't talk to them, but they were surprised when the ticket lady made a general announcement about the lack of trainage.

So we biked to St. Raphael. The train station there was muuuch bigger. I tracked down a ticket lady and talked to her... to find out that the reason there were no trains was because of a strike! The local train workers were on strike! That's also probably why there was no train service from Aix to Marseille a few days ago, though I can't be sure. So what the SNCF (France's train company) did was to conscript TGVs into local service, since the TGV workers are apparently under a different union. TGVs are their super-fast bullet trains... they hold the global land-speed record for in-service trains. They also don't allow bikes on TGVs. So I brought that up with the ticket lady, and she said we'd have to ask the conductor and it would be up to him. But it was too far to Nice for us to make it there... so if we wanted to get there this was our only option.

So I bought us tickets, and we went and hung out at a cafe, then by the ocean, for the 2 hrs we had to wait for the next TGV with seats. If you can believe it, I broke a toenail while waiting... I kicked my bag and I was wearing sandals.... ow. But I digress. The train pulled up, and 15000 people tried to cram on it all at once. It was like 15 cars long, and everyone had assigned seats (including us) except our bikes. So I ran to a conductor and asked what to do with the bikes, and he was like "no way you can get bikes on here". And I was like, "but we bought tickets! The ticket lady said we could and that you'd help us!" This was all in French, of course. Thank god we weren't in Paris... the southern French are super-nice and he offered to find a spot for the bikes. We ran all the way to the end of the train, and he opened a crazy side door and helped us toss our bikes in. We then left them alone (eeek!) and found our assigned seats. All this took far longer than it was supposed to and the entire train ended up waiting for us. Oops.

But the good news is that we made it! And the ride was super-smooth, albeit slow. We got to Nice and found the conductor to help us pull our bikes off, then saddled up and rolled down to our hotel (which was pre-booked). The woman working the front desk was a gorgeous black French woman... which is weird to see for some reason. I apparently have a bias that the US is the only Euro-derived country that should have Asian and African minorities. Weird, huh? Anyways, we locked up our bikes and then wandered to the beach.

The beach is all rocks, so not so comfy. Dan and Ben swam, and then we walked town. There's a huge-ass rambla here with tons of shops and restaurants, which I hadn't seen last time I was here in 98. After some wandering we went back to shower and change, and then we walked the rambla. We got some dinner doner kebaps, some cafe, some gelato (I think), and walked around drunk. I had pounded a "Maximator" before dinner... which is a beer with 11% alcohol in a half-liter can. omg... wow. I was happy. We got back and slept... but not before watching German-dubbed American Dad and Family Guy, which are shown on MTV. Weird, but perfect for my state of mind at the time. =P

A selection of quotes from Day 10

I've been kind of sporadic about the quote book on this trip... partly because we've just been so consistently hilarious, and partly because I've been video blogging some of the funnier crap (for upload later).

Anyways, here are some from Day 10, when I was feeling particularly quotey.

Ben: "Is the big button on the toilet for when you take a dump?"
Dan: "Yeah."
Ben: "Sweet."

Graeme: "I can't believe you found a way to throw bees at me, Dan. That's really impressive." [And he really did... he ran his hands through flowers as he biked in front of me, and a swarm of angry bees flew out at me!!!]

Ben: "You can be moustache guy."
Graeme: "I don't *want* to be moustache guy."
Ben: "Well, then be combination guy. There's two options, here."

Ben: "No, I don't want to... I'm done walking along seawalls."
Graeme: "Oh, please. This is the least dangerous thing you've done all day."

Ben: "I think I'm gonna name my kid 'chaud'."

CEBToD: Day 10 -- Toulon to St. Tropez

Apparently Jay-Z sings about St. Tropez, though I couldn't recall. In fact, we've mostly been singing "Don't Turn Around" for the last several days. I have no idea why. But seriously, don't turn around... the commissar's in town, or so I hear.

So today was a real bitch of a day. Again, I don't have the mileage handy and will have to engage in some revisionist history when I add in the pix and video in the next week or so. But it was like 50+ miles with lots of crazy hillage, especially near the end. It was totally nuts, and my legs were jelly going up that last hill. But we made it to the bay of St. Tropez and found a tourist info center to help us book a room in town.

Highlights of the day started early... breakfast was included in the hotel... I don't think I've been focusing on breakfast much in this blog but it's been a big focus of us on this trip. Most of the breakfasts have either sucked, or cost 10 euro extra per person, or both. This morning's was extra, though it was the most comprehensive French breakfast we had on the trip! Standard croissants and other pastries, as well as coffee, but we also got some awesome yogurt and some delicious multivitaminsaft!! That stuff we normally can only get in Germany.... but we were stoked to find it here.

Next major highlight happened 2 minutes into the biking, and one of our big regrets on the trip is that we didn't document it in any way. We saw a seagull carrying a dead pigeon around in its beak. Seriously. Now, I also haven't been going on about the seagulls... but theyve been pretty annoying. They basically shriek and sound exactly like little kids being tortured. Not that I know what that actually sounds like, mind you, but I'm sure you got an image of it as soon as I said it and that's exactly what those damned birds sounds like. They've even dive-bombed us a few times on the bikes, which is a little disconcerting. But we figured we were safe from them, cause what do they eat? Fish? Garbage? Bugs? Well, turns out they don't mind the occasional pigeon. And that makes me think they wouldn't shy away from ganging up on a couple of hapless bikers. Anyways, it was mesmerizing to watch the gull toss the dead pigeon around as it tried to tear off bite-sized bits, which is I think why we didn't record it, because we were too shocked and enthralled to do the right thing.

The rest of the day was decent... biking, hills, etc. Very very long. We stopped for food in Cavalaire-sur-Mer, and I was played out. But we had to bike up and over the crazy hill to get to the ST bay, along a shoulderless highway with lots of turns and crazy agressive drivers. Not pleasant, but as I mentioned before we made it, so I shall bitch of it no more. I was an animal going into St. Tropez from the tourism office, though, which was another 5+ miles through more nutso (tho flat) traffic. The traffic leaving ST was backed up the entire way. So note to all you ST-lovers out there: don't drive in for a day trip. In fact, there's no train there either (train, yes, it's coming very soon!) so you'll have to take your yacht.

Which is the perfect segue into what St. Tropez is famous for, which is the very fact that it's famous. Doesn't make much sense, right, except that you know it does. There's not much there of any value except a harbor for $10-million yachts, which tends to attract such yachts, as well as all of the attendant fancy-pants shops and art galleries and restaurants that are required to support the fabulously wealthy when they drop into port. So once we checked into our hotel room and chained our bikes to the tree out back by the naked Germans, we headed down to port to peruse the yachts.

I won't waste time expounding on the lovelitudes of the yachts themselves.... we actually all decided we'd much rather have fancy houses than fancy yachts, since fancy yachts tend to be attacked by pirates on the open seas. And not the fun, drunk, sexually-ambiguous pirates like Jack Sparrow, but the scary, RPG-firing, knife-raping, murderous sorts that actually still plague the high seas. Good times. We noted our favorite yacht called The Ability, which seemed to be American, though we couldn't be sure. I wanted us to talk our way onto one of the yachts and get carted all around the Med by our wealthy new friends and benefactors, but none of us were the sorts to pull that off. I openly lamented Tiffany not being here, since she could have definitely talked us onto one of those things.

We got dinner at a crepe place facing the yachts. I swear to god I have never been served so fast in all my life, and I doubt I ever will again. We were literally measuring the time in seconds between when we would set down our menu and they'd ask us if we were ready to order. Dan and I finished first, and I decided to count how long between the time when Ben set down his fork from his last bite and when the waiter took the plates away. It was 10 seconds. I swear to you. The same for dessert and coffee. I have never felt so rushed in my life, including time at packed fast food places. It was truly a wondrous experience, and oh-so-Euro. Not.

From there it was a downhill drunk-fest. Dan and I drank on the wall outside our hotel as Ben called his gf, and people walked underneath our feet. We ended up all 3 drinking out on the main square where all these locals were playing late-night drunken bocce ball. Ben climbed up a tree and completely blended into his surroundings... so we dubbed him a tree ninja. People would walk by and he'd shout at them and scare the bejesus out of them... it was hilarious.

Have I discussed our porto power-ups at all? Dan and I started drinking port in Marseilles, and looped Ben into the tradition pretty much immediately. Before we'd left Marseilles we all had our own port flasks and would take nips here and there throughout the riding day. Between port and ham, we were continously powered-up. Have I even mentioned how much ham I've been eating? Sooooo much ham. It's inescapable.

Omg... and the facial hair. I forgot about the facial hair. We all decided to wear weird facial hair for the rest of the trip. Dan's doing a flavor-saver, Ben's doing a creepy moustache, and I'm doing a combo stache and goatee thing. Man... St. Tropez was a real epicenter of activity this week. Good times!!

d'oh... forgot about the tartare!

How could I forget... dinner last night in Toulon for me was beef tartare! I'd never had it before... so I figured I was due to try it. Turns out it's literally just a pile of ground beef with lots of random stuff on the side that you mix in to your taste. That stuff includes ketchup, mustard, onions, relish, capers... It's basically just an uncooked hamburger, sans bun. But as it turns out, all of those things plus worcestershire sauce and I forget what else make for an amazing pile of nasty goodness. Oh yeah... it comes with a raw egg, too. So I'm thinking it's the most efficient way for me to kill myself with a double-whammy of salmonilla and trichonosis. Or something like that. Anyways, it was really good.

Oh, and Ben gorged himself on the chocolate mousse we got for dessert. The guy had it all over his face, like he'd just planted his face directly in it. Which is actually exactly what he did. Yum!!

CEBToD: Day 9 -- Marseilles to Toulon

Bah, dammit... I don't have the distance or height on me for our trip today. I'll have to come back later and add it in. It was somethingl ike 30-40 miles, with like 2000 ft ascension. Something like that.

Anyways, today was a long-ass day. We went from Marseilles to Toulon... though we sorta cheated a bit at the tail-end. Getting out of Marseilles took forever, and we had our first major mechanical incident in the process. About 5 miles or so into the ride, one of my spokes broke!!! It turns out that my rack was torqued a bit off-center, so the left side of the panniers was hitting the spokes on the rear wheel on every bump. And we went over a LOT of bumps leaving town. So I'm biking along innocently when I hear a metallic snapping. I stop to see what it is, and oh fun, my spoke's broken. I can't bike the entire day with that, so we had to try to find a bike shop. I walked my bike to a nearby gas station, and sent Ben and Dan ahead to ask them where a "magasin de velo" would be. Turns out there's one right around the corner! What are the odds?!

So yeah... the odds were exactly what you thought they were. There wasn't one around the corner. Dan actually said "magazine de velo", which is a magazine, vs. magasin which is a store. Oops. I went in and clarified with the gas station guy, and got a crudely drawn map that would do exactly what a map isn't supposed to do: get us wildly lost in the Marseille burbs. But after a few more stops and questions like "pardon... ou est-ce qu'on peut trouver un magasin de velo?"... we found a sporting-goods superstore called Decathlon, which is incidentally where every French person buys their bikes. And it only added like 10 miles to our day! haha.

They fixed my spokes and re-trued my rear wheel in about 15 mins for all of 8 euros. Which is awesomely cheap. Meanwhile, Dan destroyed their public restroom, and Ben bought some goodies like a new jersey. After an hour or so we finally got moving again... but not until this weird kid who stared at us for 10 mins without saying anything finally asked where we were going. I told him Cassis, and he said the same thing everyone else said, that it's a crazy steep climb. Hooray!

Anyways, we weren't disappointed. It was quite the steep climb. Luckily there was a bike path and many vista points for us to enjoy the view. The descent was actually far worse in my opinion, because it lasted for forever, and my shoulder still doesn't really like bearing all of my weight. I should probably adjust my handlebars or something. I still can't sleep on my right side, suckily enough.

Oh!!!!!! Did I mention that my front fork was sticking for like all of last week so that I couldn't turn practically at all?! That's why descents sucked so badly for me before... I had practically no control, because I could only make large jerky moves which are horrid for fast, wet, weighted, shoulder-less descents. Dan fixed it for me for our Aix trip the other day, and since then it's been like buttah!

Anyways. Cassis was a little disappointing. Given how hyped it was, it turned out to be a small touristy town that, while pretty, didn't really excite like we had hoped. So we had some lunch and bugged out. More riding took us further along... and at some point we hopped a train for the last bit to Toulon. We just had too far to go, and between the spokes and the hills, we were spent.

Toulon was a pretty cute town... nothing too thrilling, but nice. We stayed at a hotel where a JJ lookalike worked the front desk. It was weird. We got dinner at this awesome place on one of the random squares... i forget its name, but we had some great food and wine, and the older guys who worked there were a lot of fun. I'll refer you to Dan's and Ben's blogs for more details. =D